In this course, FSOS 4155 Parent-Child Relationships, we are exploring the dynamics between parents and children that create the lifelong bond and that have countless influences on the development of the child, and of the parent as an adult.
We'll begin by looking at the internal dynamics between parents and children that drive relationships - human development, life stage, personal characteristics, contexts and psychological motivations, such as the drive for agency and for communion. Then we'll explore parent-child relationships over the normative trajectory of the transition to parenthood through infancy and early childhood, through schoolage, adolescence, young adulthood and then parent-child relationships between the adult as child and the adult as parent into grandparenthood and caring for our aging parents.
At each turn, to reinforce the content provided to us in readings, web links, videos and lecture files, we will come together to discuss the key points. Complementary to our class work we will learn outside of class in a variety of ways - as we do as learners naturally. We observe humans and human interactions, we are sparked by conversations and interactions with others on topics directly and indirectly related to the course, and reflect on our personal experiences to make deeper connections.
This blog will be a part of our out of class learning. Throughout the course we'll offer insights and discussion on topics, events and content from our lives that are relevant. It might be a news item, a current film or TV show or book; it might be a personal reflection that invites others to contribute to.
As we begin the course please read the articles for the first day, "Choose Your Parents Wisely" and "A Manifesto Against 'Parenting," and watch the trailer for the film, "Raising of America." What processes do you see that occur in parent-child relationships? What context factors might make a difference in these relationships?
As you ponder your own parent-child relationships, how would you characterize what goes on between you and your parent (or the person you consider most like your parent)?
It was kind of shocking to learn some of what the realities of families are in America. I don't think I realized how many children were born into poverty, and how children aren't necessarily able to achieve a fulfilling life like many of us think. The parents care deeply for their child but aren't always able to offer them the best. My parents are kind of the stereotypical parents that love to be parents. My dad has worked a full time job my whole life and a lot of our relationship centered around sports and helping me with homework. My mom worked part time when I was growing up so I always had a ride home from her and she always made me dinner. While I have a very different relationship with both parents, my relationship with them growing up has been very positive and shaped me into the person that I am.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the part in "A Manifesto Against Parenting" when the author described "being a parents is like being a gardener". I found this to a very powerful and helpful metaphor. It's more realistic to look at being a parent int he context of creating a protective and nurturing space for a child to grow and that all triumphs and disasters that come along will be completely unexpected. Overall, I really liked the idea of not using "parenting" as a verb. I thought that was a strong point in the article. Additionally, I really liked how the author pointed out that you don't measure the successfulness of a marriage on whether the husband's character has improved, and you don't measure a friendship on whether a friend is now happier/more successful than when you first met. However, we believe that a parent's qualities can be judged/measured by the child they create. This is inaccurate and needs to change.
ReplyDeleteAlong with that, in the trailer for the film and in "A Manifest Against Parenting" I was intrigued by the analysis of children in American raised in low-income households versus richer areas. I was shocked at the statistic that 25% of kids in the US are born into poverty. It is also so strange to read about the wealthier parents' concerns regarding spending time with their children and the low-income families' concerns about just getting food on the table.
I always thought that growing up I kind of got the best of both worlds because both of my parents earned their masters degrees and worked full-time jobs, so I learned about the value of post high school education and we had a steady income. However, my parents were both teachers so they also got to have 3 months of the year off. In this way, I got to spend all summer with them every year!
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ReplyDeleteWatching the video there was a lot that I could relate with, I do not have any kids but I was also born into poverty. However my father was the one that worked full time, my mother on the other hand was a stay at home mom until my sisters and I were all in school. There were times when we needed the money but part of the reason my mother was a stay at home was due to the quality of childcare. As many mothers say no one is going to love and care for their child like the mother themselves. Due to this I know that's probably the reason why I have a stronger relationship with my mom than with my dad. I was always with her 24/7 until I started school unlike with my father I only saw him when he was out of work and on weekends.
ReplyDeleteSimilarly to what Jaisy said, my parents were in poverty when they first started having children and didn't begin making money until well into my childhood. I do not remember many moments with my father during my childhood because he was always working two, three, or four odd jobs. My mother, however, was always at home with me and my three siblings and was constantly working full time rearing us and raising us to her finest standard. She didn't believe in daycare and now that belief has flooded over to me as well. I have such a strong bond with my mother now because she has worked 24/7 for the last 26 years to make sure all of us kids were the best we could be. My mother created that nurturing environment and space we needed to grow, and my dad made sure my mom had all of our resources to do that.
ReplyDeleteThrough the articles I notices that parents are main nurturers for their children. Children look to their parents for their basic needs, like food and even learning. From the video, I noticed that children don't spend as much time with their parents as they need. Often children go to daycare instead of spending their formative years with their parents. Because of costs, parents are forced to work and leave their children at daycare. Culture plays a huge role in children's development. Since our culture focuses on the work force, parents work. In other countries, parents stay home while the children are growing up in order to further their children's development and learning.
ReplyDeleteMy parents both worked full time when I was growing up, and they still do so now that I have left the house. However, I definitely have a close relationship with my parents because they spent my days off bonding with my sister and me.
One process I see in parent-child relationships is that it takes a long time to raise a child. Parents are raising their children until these children turn into adults themselves who repeat this parenting cycle. Children don't "leave the nest" until they are (usually) at least 18 years old, and some children even live at home long after turning 18. Another process, according to "A Manifesto Against Parenting," is that parents get help from other family role models (grandparents, aunts, uncles) and "alloparents" who are known as unrelated helpers (teachers, neighbors). It really does take a village to raise a child. The context factors that make a difference in these relationships is the background of these families. Relationships between parents can be affected in different economically diverse families. From the article "Choose Your Parents Wisely," parents "parent" differently based on their economic background. Parents from wealthier or more educated families can often times "helicopter" their kids giving them everything they need and providing them with the education their kids need to be successful. Parents from less wealthy backgrounds or cities are just as great of parents, but they don't have the resources they need to send their kids to ballet 4x a week like Shana's mom Susan did or the availability of being a stay-at-home parent.
ReplyDeleteRelating to my own relationship with my parents, I would characterize our relationship as healthy. I learned from these readings and the video that there are so many ways to parent and parenting is always evolving. My parents were not helicopter parents -- I have grown to be independent and have learned from my own mistakes. We are very close, though, and I'm open with my parents about my decisions that I make. I would say that we have a very strong relationship!
When I think about what goes on between my parent and myself, it is confusing and fairly difficult to understand. Thinking about how my mom and I interact, it is a very adult relationship and it has been as much ever since I was around 13 years old. Whenever I hear about parents and children where there are blurred boundaries of hierarchy in the relationship, it usually is followed by a while list of problems that are being experienced. This is not the case with my mother and I. My parents have been divorced ever since I was nine (a fairly messy divorce by most standards) so I was forced to be in the middle of their problems and as a result I matured and grew up quickly. This lead to my mother and I having earnest conversations that most 13 or 14 years would never think of having, just so both of us could cope and be okay through the rough times. This lead to my mom treating me more or less as an equal, or at least being treated as someone with a lot of independence. The hierarchy never really needed to be re-established, because the freedoms that I was given were never abused on my part, which lead to my mom never really having to check and see if I was following what see expected of me. See just knew that I was. The relationship between my mom and I is different just because the lack of a clear hierarchy.
ReplyDeleteIt was difficult for me to characterize the relationships I have with both my parents; so therefore I guess you could characterize those relationships as complicated. My parents recently went through a divorce and it left me kind of stuck in the middle of a very messy situation. I have chosen to stay in relations with both my parents, making the situation even more complicated. Each parent has their own style of coping and their own story to tell and because of that I have very quickly transformed from being their daughter to being their counselor as well as my own.
ReplyDeleteAfter reflecting on these comments and topics for the past couple weeks, I have been carefully considering how parental processes occurred within my own family. Like Lydia mentioned above, it takes an immense amount of time and effort to be a parent. "A Manifesto Against Parenting" pointed to the idea that being a parent is not just a verb that a person does but rather an act of love. This act does not end when the child is 18. Parent/Child relationships adapt and change to fit new contexts and growth within both the parent and child. It is important to consider both the parent and child as individuals who are now creating this relationship. Parents may have their own issues and inner working models that shape the way they view parenthood and their child. For example, my dad consistently viewed my normal childlike behaviors (i.e having accidents, crying, asking for help with homework) as personal attacks and irritations. I just watched a movie called "Talullah" in which a mother is angry at her 1 year old child for having an accident and says "She knows better! She knows what she should do she just doesn't want to!" This is congruent with my father's beliefs about me as a child. I bring these points up to illustrate that some parents are unable to identify that children are in fact their own beings who do not exist solely to please/irritate the parent. Conversely, it has been important for me as a child of a parent like that to understand that my father is in fact his own being as well, and his issues have shaped his behavior with me. Ideally the individuality of parents and children could create loving and unique relationships but clearly this is not always the case.
ReplyDeleteWhile watching the trailer for "Raising for America", one thing that stood out was the fact that "Americans now work more hours than every other rich nation, yet the middle class is shrinking." Parents don't the time to raise their children affectively and still financially support the entire family. Family dynamics have changed, men are no longer the sole bread winners in the family, women are working too, yet this is only allowing some families to get by; therefore, it is unsurprising that measured across other countries, the U.S. ranks 18th in child well-being.
ReplyDeleteThe two articles echoed similar ideas, on how the different social classes can have different parenting concerns. The higher classes often worry about suffocating their children's independence by being helicopter parents, while the lower classes often worry if they are doing enough. The roles of a parent are also changing; we often attend school for years in order to become an expert at a particular career field, so it is not unusual that parents worry that they aren't prepared enough for the role. The role of a parent is extremely important and one that should be valued.
My own relationship with my parents is rather complicated. We obviously come from very different generations, but this also dictates our variations in culture and values. This causes a lot of disagreements, because we don't always see eye-to-eye on how I should be living my life; this includes my career choices or my choice of friends.