As we'll discuss, grandparents are identified to offer a variety of supports and resources for grandchildren. And their relationships run along a continuum from remote/ritualistic to involved to companionate to custodial. Increasingly in our US society grandparents raise their grandchildren - for a period of time, for the duration of the child's life, through living in extended family households (such as the teenage mother and her child who live with her parents). For many children, grandparents are also 'cultural conservators,' maintaining the norms, customs and values of our heritages.
Please share a bit about your own relationships with your grandparents. All of them (depending how many) or maybe a single grandparent who was/is meaningful to you. How would you describe your relationship? What does the grandparent do for you and support your development? What do you do for the grandparent and how do you support him or her?
This
is my characterization of one of my grandparents. My grandfather (Earle
"Grandpa" Powers, 1898-1984) was my mother's father (pictured to the right with my grandmother - Alice). He and my
grandmother lived in Toledo, Ohio while my family lived in a Chicago suburb or east coast cities. That meant
that contacts were occasional (Christmas and summer) but consistent
while I was growing up. And in my adulthood I put effort into visiting
them. I only knew my grandfather in his retirement so he was a symbol of
adulthood of someone who pursued hobbies rather than the demands of work. He sang,
went to the Masons, smoked cigars, painted, read and traveled. I loved
knowing an adult who had so many interests. He gave me someone to love
being with and look forward to visiting when the majority of adults in
my childhood were those I had to be responsible to. And who were stressed. Or boring. Or both. We weren't close enough (relationally or proximally) or my identity formed enough for me to perceive differences that would affect my sense of connection to him. He also gave me history to my mother's side of
the family; a dimension of her that as a child I didn't understand or
tangibly see. In turn I wasn't
someone he needed to be responsible for (his active parenting focused on
my mother and uncle). And I believe that he liked the attention and affection and I know that I was a source of pride for him. It probably also helped that I resemble my mother, so his felt connection to family was obvious every time we were together. So, my relationship with my grandfather on our continuum was companionate. And he gave me a role model, a sense of connection to the past and a wider, larger sense of 'family,' and the emotional support of someone I felt comfortable with and someone else who had value for me.
What are your connections to grandparents?
I have one surviving grandparent, and that is my grandpa Chip (my dad's father). His wife (my grandma) died 7 years ago. My mother never met her dad, so I only knew my mom's mother -- who also died about 6 years ago.
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I have so much I can say about my grandpa Chip; he's the sweetest man ever. After his wife died, he started showing symptoms of dementia. It's heartbreaking to watch him struggle with his memory, and it really hurts realizing he may recognize my face or my dad's but he doesn't remember our names. Funny enough, though, he will ALWAYS remember my dogs name!! He'll be like "oh my gosh Oliver is here to visit!!!!" It's so cute.
Our relationship is as close as I can make it. He's exactly 70 years older than me but we can still have deep conversations. I like to ask him questions about the air force and college and basketball -- significant parts of his past. He can't remember day-to-day things that he does, but he can remember every SINGLE thing about his childhood and his late wife. So I talk about the past or stay in the immediate present. I try to hug my grandpa as much as I can because I see him as a father figure. I love my dad so much, but it's hard for me to hug him or tell him I love him. I'm not really sure why.
Sorry for the rambling in this post -- I see grandparents as loved ones who hold an important role in your life. I always remind myself that I want my kids to see how important my parents are to me, so I want to keep a close-knit family.
Unfortunately, none of my grandparents are alive anymore. My parents both come from relatively big families and both of them were the babies in the families - meaning that my grandparents were pretty old by the time I came along. The three grandparents that I knew (both of my mom's parents and my dad's mother) all died of old age in one way or another.
ReplyDeleteMy paternal grandfather died when my dad was in his late 20s - he hadn't even met my mom yet. Grandpa Arv didn't live a very healthy lifestyle (he was overweight and smoked a lot) but he had a great legacy that I have been told about my whole life. He was a famous radio host and newscaster in Minnesota on WCCO and when I was in 9th grade my whole family attended his induction ceremony into the Radio Hall of Fame. Even though I never met him, I feel like I know him well through all of the stories my dad and uncles have told me. My grandma Vera, his wife, was a very sweet woman whom I saw mostly in the summertime because she lived three hours away. She was a retired schoolteacher and a very kind and loving woman.
My grandparents on my mom's side are the grandparents that I definitely knew the best because they were in my life the longest. They lived in Alexandria, MN and I consistently saw them during holidays and throughout the summers while I was growing up. They were both retired, too. My grandpa was a kind, but hard, man. He was very stern and Catholic and I think a big part of his personality had been impacted by his time in the military. My grandmother was a very nice woman, too. I loved spending time with her when I was in elementary school and sleeping over at their house on weekends. She always took me shopping and to a little beach on a lake they lived near. She had a strong relationship with me, my siblings, and all of my cousins.
When I was in Middle school my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It was a very, very slow process that affected my entire family. Things started out gently for her, with short term memory loss that you only noticed if you were staying at their house for an extended period of time. Gradually, though, her memory worsened to the point where she would wonder off into neighbors' homes if my grandpa wasn't home to watch her. Eventually, my mom and aunt convinced my grandparents to move to Northfield (my hometown) and put my mother in a nursing/care facility. All of this was really tough on my grandpa because his memory was completely in tact. For a while he lived with us, which made my relationship with a little bit stronger. I also grew closer to my grandmother because - though she often couldn't remember much about me - she was so easy to spend time with and she was always smiling and whistling. My final memories of her are all happy - a kind of ignorant bliss on her end.
Eventually my grandpa decided to move into the nursing home with my grandma. This was hard on my mom because she didn't like that my grandpa lived with so many elders diagnosed with dementia and he wasn't. The environment was great for my grandma, but hard for him. When she passed away, he followed only 2 months later. My grandpa didn't show signs of illness, but he was old and I think a big part of him just kind of shut down after she left. While it was really sad and difficult to lose both grandparents in a short period of time, it was also a relief on my family, in a way. A big weight had been lifted off of our lives and we liked to think that they were both in a better place, together.
Rather than tell you about my grandparents specifically, let me tell you about a moment that gave me an appreciation of generation, a strong sense of love, and great happiness. This moment was at our cabin on the Lake of the Woods in Ontario, while my granddad, my dad, and I were taking an evening boat ride. I've always known that both my granddad and dad enjoyed this cabin immensely since it had been in our family intermittently since the 1950s. That history has made this place special along with all the memories that have been made there over the years. And while the three of us were enjoying the boat ride, I saw my dad look at my granddad in a way that completely expressed how he was feeling; he was immensely grateful to be sharing such a meaningful experience. And not a moment after that, he looked back at me in the same way. This one memory has meant a great deal to me because it's the strongest connection I've felt within multiple generations of family.
ReplyDeleteI have currently have 3 living grandparents with 1 living step-grandparent. I am closer to my paternal grandparents, but my paternal grandpa passed away when I was 10 years old due to complications with lung cancer. My paternal grandma remarried when I was 17 years old, which was a difficult transition for the younger generations that where familiar with my biological grandfather. My biological grandfather was an amazing, holistic human, and seemed incredible from a younger Atlee's perspective. At first, I also didn't understand how my grandmother could remarry after being married to the most perfect human on this planet, especially after having her own set of children and my step-grandpa also having his own family, it all seemed to be complicated and a little like betrayal from my grandmother. Although now I have matured quite a high school and now accept my step-grandfather, a lot of the younger generation compared my step-grandpa to my biological grandfather and associated a lot of disgust, anger, and a sense of betrayal with my step-grandfather. Because my entire family lives in Minnesota, except for my immediate family, I often lean on my grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins for emotional and physical support at times. My paternal grandma and I have a very close relationship, I am actually texting her right now as she resides in her home in Florida for the winter with my step-grandpa, and calling her my role model would be an understatement.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up in Houston, Texas made it difficult for me to spend more time with my grandparents, but every summer I would stay at my paternal grandparents' cabin in Minnesota and get to do fun lake activities like waterskiing with my cousins, go to overnight kayaking camps, go shopping at tax-free Mall of America (big deal when you are in middle school), etc. I loved getting to spend my summers out of the Texas heat and lounging on the lake all day. Although some days got lonely, especially when it was just my grandmother and I at times, this is when we got to spend the most one-on-one time together and get as close as we are today. Although I rarely saw my extended family outside of the summer months, it was nice to be able to focus my attention on something other than school and make positive memories with my family members. Ultimately, my summers staying with my grandma influenced my decision to choose the University of Minnesota over other colleges like the University of Texas at Austin, the University of Washington, and University of Colorado at Boulder. My grandmother had a stable where she kept her horses, those of which she raced with and won many awards. She was able to teach me how to ride horses and grow a deeper appreciation for them, although also understand how difficult it is to care for a horse and never want to do that myself. I stayed with my grandmother until high school, where summer dance intensives, camps, and practices took priority over being able to spend my summer with my grandmother. She and my step-grandfather now live in North Oaks, MN, just down the street of my maternal grandparents as well. Unfortunately, both of my maternal grandparents are showing increasing signs of dementia and are right now fighting the idea of going into more supervised care. That is an emotional battle that thankfully I am not involved with at the moment, unlike my mother's brother and sister-in-law whom are the primary caregivers of my maternal grandparents.
My dad is the last of eleven children, so we have a huge family on that side. Both of his parents were older in age than usual by the time he was born. My grandpa Edgar, who my dad was named after, was always kind of crabby. So much so that as a young child I was a little afraid of him. I can't even remember a single conversation that he and I had. I'm not really sure if that is because I was 9 years old when died, or if because we legitimately did not have any sort of direct interaction, which honestly could be possible. As I have gotten older I understand more why he was so cranky - he had kind of a hard life.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma Mildred is a different story, she was the sweetest, and most sincere woman that I have ever met. I admire her so much. She too had a hard life, but you would never know it. She was so selfless and so kind . She radiated positivity. She died only a few years after my grandpa, so I was still relatively young when she died. I wish that I could have spent more time with her, but am still so grateful for the memories that I have of her. She absolutely aided in my development as a child. My brother and I would go spend the weekend with her all the time when we were little and she would bake, play, and read with us. We never wanted to leave on Sunday! Though I don't get to spend time with her anymore, I try to visit her grave a few times a year.
My grandma Carol, my mom's mom is my only living grandparent. It's hard to put our relationship even into words, because truthfully I have no idea what she thinks of me. I'm pretty sure she has had a similar relationship with most of her children as well, not actively distant or mean, but hardly makes an effort to stay in touch or connect. She just recently moved in with my aunt, and we have been having more frequent lunch visits, so that has been nice. It is just often very surface level conversation, which I suppose is better than nothing. However, she has put a small amount of money away for me to spend on college, which I will always really appreciate.
Her husband, my grandpa Don, died when I was 5. I've been told by all of his children that he was a great man and wonderful father. Sadly, I have little memory of him.
My relationship with my grandparents, I believe, is very unique. I have three living grandparents - a paternal grandfather and a maternal grandmother and grandfather. My relationship with my paternal grandfather doesn't really exist. He is not a part of our family and we do not treat him as such. It's a long story. Anyways, my relationship with my mom's parents is great. These grandparents are young, energetic, active, and super involved in my life. They live about 7 minutes from us so we get to see them frequently. My grandma comes over to have coffee with my mom almost every single morning. It's reliable and consistent and it's great being able o see my grandmother that often. I go and stop by my grandparents home when I'm back in Sioux Falls visiting, and I feel comfortable to just sit with them for an hour and talk. I can't imagine my life without my mom's parents. They're the one's who always host holiday meals and family get togethers in the summer. It's so nice to have that consistency and being able to constantly be engaged with my grandparents.
ReplyDeleteI am lucky enough to still have all four of my grandparents. With each one, or with each "set" of grandparents there are many differences. I have always been closer to my mom's parents because they live within ten minutes of me, whereas my dad's parents live in Wyoming. Obviously then I am a lot closer to my grandparents that live close to me. Last year I called my grandma from Wyoming and she wasn't home so I talked to my grandpa for a bit and he said he'd have grandma call me. When she called she immediately said, "whats wrong? grandpa said you called." Her immediate thought that something must be wrong if I was calling shows just how little of a relationship I have with those grandparents.
ReplyDeleteWith my grandparents that live close to me I am over there every time I am home from break and I call them at least once a week while I am at school. It sounds odd to say but I have always found my mom's parents to be more "grandparenty." My grandma in Wyoming tends to say crap, or suck, and will even tell my family which grandchild is her favorite of each of my dad's sibling's kids. Whereas my grandparents here are consistently telling everyone how they are so lucky to have "the greatest grandkids in the world."
I have one surviving grandparent now, my maternal grandma, Josephine. I'd like to begin by pointing out that I have never had a "cookie baking grandparent" my idea of a nurturing grandparent. Josephine and I have had a rocky relationship, she's not a fan of my dad, so I've always thought that's made her dislike us a bit more. But looking back I think that she is just really bad at being nurturing, she and my grandpa definitely weren't nurturing with my mom and aunts and uncles. I think she's getting worse with age, she doesn't care what she says now, and most of it is rude, mean, and ignorant. BUT now I have a pretty nice memory of her, in August I got married in Duluth and my family is all from California. And even though she's 85, she got on a plane with my parent to MSP and drove around the state to celebrate our wedding. That was one of the nicest things I could have imagined her doing for me. My grandpa was a difficult man as well. He had decided that moving out to Minnesota was the biggest mistake of my life (not true), and that hit a lot harder than I think he meant to because he passed away a day later. So there wasn't any resolve and it took me a lot of time to move past those words.
ReplyDeleteMy dads parents both passed when I was younger my grandfather when I was 6 and my grandmother when I was 11. And I don't really have any memories of them growing up. We weren't really close and they were very old.
Both of my father’s parents are still alive, but I don’t have the best relationship with them. It is not like our relationship is strained, but they have shown minimal investment in my life. They were more involved when I was younger, but now they tend to favor my other cousins over my sister and I. Both of my mother’s parents have passed away, my grandfather when I was one, and my grandmother when I was fifteen.
ReplyDeleteOut of all my grandparents, I was definitely closer to my mother’s mother. Even though she had 14 children, their spouses, 42 grandchildren, and 14 great grandchildren, she made me feel special. I really felt that I knew her on a deeply personal level. I knew her as a sweet and sassy lady that would bring you cookies, but would also make fun of you if she felt like it. Our relationship formed when I was a young child. She lived in the town next to ours where my mother also worked. If I was sick and couldn’t go to school, I would go to my grandmother’s house. She was a terrific caretaker. A typical sick day with her included laying on the couch watching cartoons (and her soap operas in the afternoon) while she went to church to pray, her bringing me soup, playing checkers as she tried to cheer me up, and eating ice cream with her because it was her favorite dessert. In a way, I looked forward to being sick because then I could spend the whole day with her. I saw how much she loved me when I spent the day with her.
My grandmother supported me in everything that I did. She would come to grandparents’ day at school and always told me how much she loved me. I tried to return the favor by drawing things for her or by saying nice things. However, I didn’t have the kindness and wisdom that she did so I could never fully return the favor.
My relationship with all my grandparents have been incredibly eye opening and interesting to say the least. Each one is different and unique in their own way. My grandfather on my dad's side was never very open or kind. I never got along with him because of his past with my grandmother, my father, and my uncles. He was abusive both physically and emotional to them so I detached myself from any relationship with him when I was very young, sensing that he wasn't a very welcoming person. On the other hand, my grandmother on my fathers side is one of my best friends. She practically raised me (I never went to childcare facilities). She would watch me and my cousins everyday, which is why I believe I am so close with all of my cousins on that side. I call her often and go and visit her as much as I can. She is one of the most important people in my life! It's interesting seeing the differing views I have of my paternal grandparents and where it all stems from.
ReplyDeleteOn my mothers side, I was somewhat close with both of my grandparents but not quite as much as I was with my grandmother on my fathers side. My Nana (grandmother on mothers side) had a stroke when I was very young and wasn't able to walk or talk due to this tragedy. I think one reason I wasn't incredibly close with her was because of this barrier and not knowing much about her life before the stroke. My papa (grandfather on my mothers side) was very guarded and put most of his energy into making sure my Nana was comfortable and happy. When my Nana passed away, he became a completely different person. I meet up with him to get dinner and talk, he comes to my brothers sports outings, and he comes to visit more often. Due to the fact that he doesn't put all his energy and time into maintaining the care that was needed for my Nana, he has opened up more and I've been able to get a lot closer with him than I ever have previously.
My grandparents are all really different and have impacted me in very different ways, I'v learned strength, anger, decision-making, and many other things from their presence in my life. It's interesting seeing the impact that grandparents can play in a grandchild's life. I can sure see how they have played a part in mine!
I have three remaining grandparents and the one who I most connect with in my Grandma Sally (My mom's mother). My grandparents on that side of the family have been an incredible support for both myself and my family. My grandparents hired my dad to do construction work on their house when the economy was so bad and we weren't making an income. Along with that they have helped me pay for almost every cent of my college tuition and housing. If it weren't for their financial support I wouldn't know where I would be today. On top of that though, my grandparents are so much more, and I didn't realize how much more until this past year. I spent a year abroad in France, and during the spring semester my parents filed for divorce and on the day that I arrived home in the states was the very same day that I moved out of my childhood house. I was dreading the day that I had to go home. And then I walk in the front door of my empty house to find my grandma there. She had flown from Chicago to Minneapolis to surprise me and to support me through my extremely tough transition. She has been a rock for me and has provided me with so many wise words that have helped me through the deep water. I have so much respect for my grandma and my grandpa's generosity, kindness and endless love. I have always tried my best to make them proud, and I've always done well in school so that I can see their proud, smiling faces at my college graduation one day. I hope that the one thing that they can take away from me in our relationship, is the feeling that they have helped their granddaughter become a good person and have helped me succeed in many difficult parts of my life. I wish I could provide more for my grandparents in our relationship, but I know that my happiness and success means the world to them and all I can do is to keep striving to be the best version of myself.
ReplyDeleteTo this day, I still have an amazing relationship with my mothers parents. Growing up, I spent a lot of my childhood spending time with my grandma and cousins on weekly outings. She would take me and my cousins out every Wednesday and treat us to something nice, like a movie, bowling or lunch. It was always very important to my Grandmother to have all of us together and spend quality time together. A lot of how I was raised was through my grandparents, and I believe the closeness I have with my cousins is due to them.
DeleteMy grandma would also take me to church every week. Both my grandparents helped pay for my attendance at catholic school.
My grandparents have always spoiled me and have treated me with the up-most respect. I care for them dearly, and am very lucky to still have them in my lives. A lot of who I have become I thank my grandparents for.
My mom is a single parent so I have both of her parents as my grandparents. My grandparents live in Montana and are from Montana. they are divorced and my grandma is remarried. I have more of a relationship with my grandma Karla then I do with my grandpa Dave. This is probably because my mom is really really really close with my grandma. My grandma is 55 years old so she is really young and that makes it easy to have conversations about things going on in my life and things going on the world. She is the most loving person on the planet and honestly the sweetest person ever. I am her only grandchild so I am very spoiled by her and i get all of her attention :)))
ReplyDeleteMy grandma has a huge impact on my life and upbringing. She has taught me so much and I am the luckiest grandson in the world.
My grandpa is super cool and funny but he's an old school fart haha. We talk about sports and the weather most of the time which makes our conversations easy and fun. He keeps to himself most of the time and has certain people he really associates himself with. It's also cool that he and my grandma are best friends. It's funny because they are polar opposites!
I have a very different grandparent dynamic than most people in my generation. When I was born, I had all four grandparents, and six great-grandparents. Now, I only have substantial memories of four of the six and of the four, I was only really close to two of them. I saw my mother's grandparents at least once a week since I was born, but my mother's grandmother on her father's side and my father's grandmother I only saw around the holidays.
ReplyDeleteMy strongest connections with my grandparents are both on my mother's maternal side. We had Sunday dinner every week that everyone was expected to come to. My great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, siblings, aunt & uncle, and their children would all come to my grandma's house to have a home-cooked meal and spend the day together.
The most influential grandparent I have is my great-grandma Basgall. Growing up, she always taught me about composure and etiquette, what it meant to be a lady and how I should conduct myself. She had an eye for detail and meticulously sewed every single one of her children and their spouses (15), her grandchildren (24), and great grandchildren (48) hand-made stockings with our names until she passed away 4 years ago. She taught me over the years how to make satin ball ornaments for Christmas, her hundreds of recipes from Italy, and just an overall sense of decorum. As I grow older, I can only hope to be half the woman she was. Her strength, beauty, and confidence radiated everywhere she went and touched everyone around.
When she was in the hospital I would always drive out to visit her. Sometimes I would do her hair and makeup since she couldn't and was very self-conscious about it. I always had a project going with her; whether it be ornaments, drawings, paintings, or something entirely different. She would always ask me what was new and trendy as far as hair, makeup, and clothes and then get my opinion on everything she bought and I would do the same with her. She never dressed her age, but never dressed like she was trying to be younger- she was classic.
I grew up with having three grandparents, all of whom I saw mostly on holidays but loved dearly. As my relationship with my maternal grandfather Bruce has been a huge focus for over a year, I think it's important that I focus on him. At the age of 46, a year before I was born, my grandparents got married after having met through a dating service called "Older is Better". He is the only grandfather I knew growing up, and was therefore quite influential in my life; he was kind, gentle, passionate, understanding, funny, loving, and more. Bruce had supported my family since the beginning, he was the kind of man to bring everyone together, the glue to our family if you would. He was never a rich man, though he was always a hard worker, so that's what he contributed - his effort. He was always present in my life, however I didn't have much contact with extended family after I moved out and started attending college, and I attended very few family events, so I didn't hear from my grandparents often. Four years ago Bruce was given a dual diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease and stage 4 metastasized prostate cancer, and an estimated handful of months to live - however, he did receive medication for his Alzheimer's disease, and he began chemotherapy to treat his cancer, though this made him incredibly sick. As time progressed, so did the Alzheimer's, and on top of that, they discontinued his chemotherapy, so the cancer spread. Just over a year ago my grandmother had called me up on the phone and asked me to apply to be her husbands' care giver, to which I gladly accepted. Working for Bruce was an honor and a privilege, and my relationship with him had never been as meaningful. The Alzheimer's disease made our relationship a bit complicated, as he usually didn't recognize me or my relationship to him, but he did have glimmers of lucidity where he knew that we "buddies" or that I was his "best friend". If I were to describe my relationship with Bruce I would do so by saying it was fun, loving, full of respect for one another, extremely challenging, hilarious, heartbreaking, and more. Because of everything my grandfather contributed to our family I decided to do everything I could to support him in his most difficult moments. I was a companion, chef, waiter, spa operator, fashion advisor, dog walker, janitor, weight-lifter, medication administrator, behavior and action re-director, grandson, and more for him. My grandfather passed away as I felt his last pulse on November 25th, 2016. It was a very special, intimate last moment that we shared together, and I am thankful I could be there for him.
ReplyDeleteOh, ouch! Sorry for the wall of text! I wrote this on my phone, and I guess it didn't format nicely. :/
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ReplyDeleteI grew up knowing all of my grandparents, but my only surviving grandparent is my maternal grandmother. I had a good relationship with all of my grandparents, and I always found joy in visiting them. My relationship with my dad’s parents was more reserved, which is probably due to the fact that they lived farther away and we saw them less often. I definitely had a closer relationship with my mom’s parents, especially with my grandfather. They lived on a farm, and I would follow my grandfather around, helping him feed the animals, sitting on his lap in the tractor to “help drive”, and would do my best to help with other miscellaneous farm tasks. I truly enjoyed the time I spent with him. He was always very quiet, and enjoyed listening to others more than talking about himself, which is a characteristic I envy. He was very giving, and was always donating his time and money to charities. I definitely learned a lot from him. I also know that he was very proud of me, my brother, and my cousin, and would have done anything he could to support us. He was loved by everyone, and our family misses him a lot!
ReplyDeleteI think grandparents play a crucial role in child development, and I think my childhood would have been very different if I hadn’t known my grandparents.
My parents both grew up in Duluth, MN. After they married, we lived in Omaha, NE. Consequently, I didn't really know my grandparents until their later years. My mom grew up in the blue collar West side, and my dad grew up in the white collar East side. My mom's mother (Marie, 1910-1997),was an English teacher in Northern Wisconsin before moving to Duluth, and my mom's father (Loren, 1909-1994), was a longshoreman. They were both retired when I knew them. When Loren's COPD got bad they moved to Ocala, FL. I was stationed at Camp LeJeune, NC at the time, so I would take long weekends and drive down to visit. When one of my younger brothers completed Navy Recruit training in Orlando, the three of us attended the graduation. When Loren passed away, Marie moved back to Duluth, where she lived until her death. They enjoyed watching Lawrence Welk and Hee Haw, and playing cribbage. My relationship would be considered companionate.
ReplyDeleteMy dad's father (George 1909-1982), was an executive for the Zenith Iron Ore Company in Duluth, and his mother (Clara 1911-2003), was a homemaker. Clara never learned to drive, so never had a driver license. My aunt Anne and uncle Mike would bring her to church and to the grocery store after George passed away. George was retired when I knew him, and his hobby was everything golf. I have memories of being on the putting green, watching my father, grandfather, and uncles. When someone missed a putt, my grandfather would jokingly say "Nice shot, Alice." George was an avid fisherman too, and would take us out on Lake Superior for salmon. When George passed away I was stationed in Okinawa, Japan, and my unit allowed me to come home for the funeral. My grandmother was very grateful that I was able to be there, as I am the oldest grandchild. In 2003 I was in Bosnia-Herzegovina, and received a Red Cross message. I called my folks, and they'd been gathered at the hospice facility for a couple days, where Clara was in a coma. Somehow, when I called, I was able to talk to her. She passed away peacefully about an hour later. This is a precious memory I have of her. The relationship was companionate.
My grandmother was born in Newport, AR. It had my was there she meet her first husband, and had my mom, my aunt, and my uncle. While they were young, she moved from Newport to Minneapolis in hopes of seizing some of the opportunity that was available to her here at the time, but it wasn't an easy transition. It wasn't until her second year here in Minneapolis that she was able to finally provide her children with a home of their own. During that time, however, tensions between her husband began to grow hostile, and he soon after moved back to Newport leaving my grandmother, mom, aunt and uncle to support themselves. For nearly six years, that's what my family did until my grandmother met her current husband--an Ethiopian man-- and the one I grew up knowing and loving as my grandfather. With his help, my nana and papa obtained the house that they still live in and serve as a base for our family today.
ReplyDeleteThis house was the first house I lived in as an enfant, and it is still the house I find myself living in as an emerging adult. In many ways, my nana and papa are like a second set of a mother and father, especially during the times when my own parents weren't around. Because of this, I would consider my relationship with my grandparents very companionate.
My upbringing with both of my parents grandparents helped shape who my twin brother and I today. My parents always made sure that we were spending a good amount of time with our grandparents, from the day we were born. I have distinct memories of spending time with both sets of my grandparents. From my Puerto Rican Grandmother, spending Thanksgiving at her house but eating only the most delicious Puerto Rican food and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with her, to spending time in my Jewish grandmother Bubba's BIG home and not being able to go in certain rooms because of all of the expensive nicknacks. I remember being so loved by my grandparents. Always running to them with joy and big smiles on their faces. Both my grandmas were present in my life up until I myself moved away, and I could tell off the bat this was difficult for them. When my Puerto Rican grandmother started to lose her memory due to a stoke, I put the guilt on myself for not being around enough for her to remember me. I constantly remind myself that these type of things come with old age, and I can't blame myself.
ReplyDeleteI am always reminded by them that life is good, and we are so blessed to have such a close and tight-knit family on both sides.
I grew up in Appleton, Wisconsin as up until I was ten-years-old. My paternal grandparents lived in the same town and it was a really small town so it was easy to run into people you know. I loved going to my grandparent's house. My grandma is the sweetest person in the world. Back then, she would take me with her every where. I was well fed and spoiled at their house. I think that at one point I liked it at my grandparent's house more than my own. My grandma introduced me to religion because she is an Evangelical christian and was very involved in church. She also taught me how to behave myself in front of others and to share. Even though I spent a lot of time with my grandma, she didn't have a lot of money to offer. That was OK with me, because her love was enough. I didn't have a great relationship with my grandpa because he was a really grumpy and angry guy back then. He was always mad and yelling at us. But now when I go to visit he is much nicer. I think it might of been an angry phase. What I love about my paternal grandparents is that they are very humble and brave. They take on any challenge in life with calm. They would give my siblings and I some money to spend right before we leave back home after a visit. When they give us money it may be $20-100, but they would say, "we don't have much, but we'll give you a couple of dollars to get something to drink". Since they live in Appleton and I live in Minneapolis, I can't do much for them other than to call them every now and then to talk and catch up on life. Just calling them shows that I care about them and that I've been thinking about them.
ReplyDeleteAll four of my grandparents were alive while I was growing up, up until this past fall. My Grandpa Don passed away in October of this year due to complications with Alzheimer's. He was a family doctor, loved traveling, and even lived in Burma for a few years in the early 1960's to help out a local medical surgeon. The majority of my memories of him are him during his years with dementia. My uncle tells us how Grandpa Don, with his medical background, was very aware of his fading memory. Although this disease took over in his life, he still knew how to live! He taught me lessons like if there is nothing else to do, just smile. He emphasized the importance of taking the time in your day to take a long walk, give the dog treats, and to have a nice, cold Schell's beer. He enjoyed the little things- he really kicked Alzheimer's butt! His wife, my grandma, is also in the beginning stages of dementia. Grandma Barb has a great sense of humor and loves spending time with her kids/grand kids/great grand kids. Family, beer, and her dog Lexi are very important to her.
ReplyDeleteBoth of my grandmas are still alive, as well as my maternal grandpa. My grandparents on my mom's side live about 2 and a half hours away from us and absolutely love getting visits and phone calls. My grandpa can no longer travel, so either we go up to visit or just my grandma comes down to see us. When we talk on the phone or see each other, we tell each other we love the other person at least two or three times. My maternal grandparents are very affectionate.
I feel that my grandparents had a big impact on me as I was growing up. I learned how to respect my elders, build positive relationships, and learn all sorts of things that they wanted to pass on to us. I feel so blessed that I had the opportunity to grow up with all of my grandparents and really get to know them.
The only grandparent that I met was my grandmother (mother’s side_. My grandpa from my mother’s side passed away when I was only 6 months old and my grandparents from my father’s side I never met, because my mother was raped. My relationship with my grandmother was rocky at first because she blamed my mother for being raped, but then she warmed up to me. My family and I moved back to El Salvador when I was a child, and my grandmother and I got really close during this time. I remember my grandma’s visitors would bring her some of the best seasonal tropical fruits of El Salvador and she would always choose me to eat it with her. She would take me to her room and ask me to eat the fruit with her in private and not to tell my other 6 cousins, uncle and his wife who all lived with her at the time. This will always be a happy memory for me because I felt special for being chosen to eat her special fruits. I also knew that this was a sign of her accepting me into her family. Moreover, my family and I moved back to the U.S and I rarely talked to my grandmother. I had very little contact with my grandmother because we could only speak via phone and it was very expensive to call out of the country. I remember visiting over the summers and I didn’t recognize my grandma anymore because she had been diagnosed with cancer and her diabetes had worsened with time. She became very mean and was constantly angry because her arthritis was unbearable. I would play with my cousins and ignore my grandma because she wasn’t nice to me anymore- I missed my kind grandma who would give me her favorite pieces of fruit, read stories to me, tell me about my grandpa and play with me. I still miss my grandma. Towards the end of her life she lost her memory and constantly asked that we put her to rest because she was in so much pain. There are no ways that I truly supported my grandma because being countries apart made this difficult. I am still deeply saddened that she is gone because she was the only grandparent that I had and I will always cherish the memories that we made in her room secretly eating fruit.
ReplyDeleteI have always felt extremely close to all of my grandparents. My maternal grandparents only consisted of my grandma because my grandpa passed away when I was a baby. She has also since passed away, but both of my paternal grandparents are still alive and well. Growing up, my mother's mom played a huge role in our household. She constantly came over to babysit or would go grocery shopping/ run errands with our family to keep me and my brothers occupied. She lived close by, only about 25 minutes away, so I saw her frequently even as my siblings and I began to grow older. I would identify my relationship with her as involved and companionate. However, when I started high school she started to have issues with her health and in turn issues with my mom when she wasn't taking proper care of herself. This put a strain on her relationship with my entire family-- my parents were upset with her for not letting them help her and my siblings and I didn't have the resources at the time to go out of our way and see her without the help from my parents. She passed away when I was a junior in high school, and I will always remember her as being a warm, conversational, stubborn, and interesting woman. While she didn't provide me with a sense of tradition or heritage, she was always an open ear and treated me like a friend. She was a great story teller and conversationalist.
ReplyDeleteOn my dad's side, my Nana and Pa also played a big role in my childhood and my adulthood now. They lived farther away than my maternal grandmother, so instead of seeing them sporadically throughout the week or month, my brothers and I would stay with them for long weekends throughout the year and saw them for almost every holiday. My paternal grandparents are 100% Italian and have definitely distilled traditions and the importance of our heritage to me mainly through food. My Nana has taught me how to cook, bake, and host a perfectly timed party. She has also taught me the importance of giving unconditional love to everyone. My Pa loves to reminisce and tell stories of how things used to be, so I have learned a fair amount of history from him. My father's relationship has always been strained with him, however, so I definitely think that has caused me to view my Pa in a different light at times, but not permanently. Both my Nana and Pa have provided my companionship throughout the years which I really value. Now that my family moved to Florida, I don't see them as much but we still keep in touch through texting, calling, and emailing. I know they are very interested in my life, are always excited for me when I succeed, and will always console me when I fail. Their support and interest really mean a lot.
I've only had one set of grandparents in my family. Both of my dad's set of parents passed away before I was born, which is unfortunate, but my mom's parents are awesome. They've lived only an hour away from me, my whole life and have been there for holidays and special events for my family. Whether it was my sisters weddings, or when I use to play hockey in high school, they were there. It was always nice of them that they made the effort to drive down and see us, and they still do to this day because most of the family lives here in the cities and we'll my grandparents live out in Hutchinson.
ReplyDeleteI'll always be thankful for them and how much they have given their time and effort for caring for both me and my sisters while growing up. From just making it for family trips, or taking us out on the fishing boat, I'm thankful for them and who they are.
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to get to know my grandparents. My paternal grandparents passed away before I was born and my maternal grandfather passed away when I was a child. My sole surviving grandparent (maternal grandmother), lives on another continent, and I don't know her very much either. In fact, I don't have a lot of interactions with people my grandmothers age, I just don't run into them in day-to-day. That's part of the reason that I started working at the Science Museum during my first year of college. Most of the volunteers were senior citizens and a lot of the customers as well. The interactions I had were always great. Every once and a while, an older East African person would wonder through my section and strike up a conversation (mostly surrounding whether I spoke my "mother tongue"). However, they were always compassionate and understanding. Suffice it to say, these were rewarding interactions would make my day.
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