In addition to film representations of parents and teens, TV shows entertain us with family comedies and dramas that include children during adolescence. Few demonstrate such strong and significant adult-teen relationships than in the series,
Friday Night Lights. In the series, a medium size town in Texas is the context for Coach and Tami and Julie Taylor. Coach (Eric) is the football coach at the high school - a sport in a town that is THE important activity. Tami is a school counselor and Julie is their teenage daughter. Early in the series, Julie is about 14 or 15. The series also features other teens - especially the young men on the football team and some young women in the school and town. They range in personality, age, race and experience, offering quite a number of events to view teens own challenges with development, and how adults help or challenge that growth.
The link below features about 8 minutes of a compilation with the Taylor family. The video is a nice view of the parents and the teen dealing with some pretty typical teen issues. Julie is in a word, a 'good' kid. As we see here, even with model children families experience conflict.
Please watch the clip, and then weigh in on what you observe in the parent-child relationships. Consider some of the following questions:
- What is Julie feeling, what are her parents feeling, when they have conflict and when they interact.
- What do you see as ways that Eric and Tami work to maintain the relationship with Julie, and ways that they assert their responsibilities as parents and set boundaries and limits while also showing her warmth and understanding?
- Do they do this equally or in the same way?
- What challenges might they face in trying to do this?
I think that Julie is trying to assert her independence as a young, 16-year-old woman and she doesn't want her parents to treat her like a child anymore. That being said, she also seems to really respect her parents and doesn't purposely try to upset them or go against their rules with the intention of hurting them. Julie is simply trying to find the balance of making decisions (specifically romantic decisions) without her parents help, while maintaining a close relationship to them.
ReplyDeleteJulie's parents are feeling hurt and frustrated and probably a little bit confused because this is the first time in their life that they are realizing their daughter is growing up and it's happening sooner than they expected. I think that her parents are also trying to find a balance between each other, as a team, and how they should go about working together in raising Julie as a teenager. They are pushed to communicate really clearly with each other. This is apparent when Tami finds out that Julie might have sex and she talks to Julie about it without Coach Taylor's knowledge. This withholding of information pushes a wedge between the couple that they have to overcome before they can focus on their daughter. I thought it was super important and helpful that they sat down and talked, just the two of them, on how they need to handle things and recognize that they are both feeling confused.
I think that Julie's parents do a good job of setting limits and expectations for Julie. However, I think that sometimes they react impulsively and yell, when a calmer tone could be more effective. At the same time, I do appreciate that no one acts passive aggressively and each family member is good at confronting the issue right away before letting things get worse. I think that the Taylor's give Julie a good amount of freedom and responsibility, while still expecting her to come home on time and always tell them where she is. These expectations are obviously broken when Julie lies and goes to spend time with Matt instead of studying at her friends house.
While it's obvious that Julie's parents are very loving and supportive and they are doing their best to demonstrate authoritative parenting, I think that they may have been a little too permissive in the last scene when Julie comes home late after lying and sleeping at Matt's house. It almost feels like Julie took advantage of her mom's vulnerability and gave her hug in order to not get punished. I don't know if the next scene shows them enforcing some kind of consequence, but in that moment, the dad stays quiet and they let Julie go to her bedroom.
Julie is feeling a disconnect between herself and her parents. She wants to be independent and go on dates and do adults things like have sex, but her parents can be overbearing at times. Her parents are overbearing because she seems to be their only child from what I’ve seen and they are protective of her. They want Julie’s innocence back and to be close with Julie and talk about her life. When Julie and her parents interact, Julie is actually more calm than her parents and seems to be very mature. The dad is a very strict and intimidating guy, while the mom is comforting and wants Julie to be able to talk to her mom. The parents maintain their relationship with Julie while also setting boundaries and responsibilities. Tami, Julie’s mom, kept the fact that she saw Matt buying condoms from her husband so she could talk to Julie about it first. This shows understanding and protection from the father’s hostility. The parents clearly have different parenting styles – the mom confronts Julie while explaining her frustrations and also providing information. The father just gets angry and overreacts. One challenge I mentioned before between the parents was that the mom didn’t tell her husband about Matt and Julie thinking about having sex. She didn’t want to alarm him and potentially ruin her relationship with Julie.
ReplyDeleteI think Julie and her parents both have to be feeling pretty uncomfortable with the situation at hand. Having a teen start dating can be difficult transitions for families to face. Julie wants freedom, but her parents don’t want to give her too much freedom that she might make mistakes that she regrets. The issue of freedom is creating a lot of conflict in their household. I definitely noticed that Eric and Tami have different approaches to parenting. Eric is more of an authoritarian parent. Even though he has good intentions, he often goes overboard and becomes too protective in my opinion. Tami works to create an open line of communication with Julie. She wants Julie to come to her with anything going on in her life, even if it’s about sex. Tami is certainly the warmer and more understanding parent, even though Eric tries to do so also. I think that their differences in parenting has created conflict in their relationship. In the clip they were seen fighting several times about how to best parent Julie. In the end though, they always come back together and apologize to one another. Even though they have challenges in parenting, they still have a strong and understanding relationship with one another. As Tami said, they have the same parenting experiences as one another.
ReplyDeleteJulie is feeling like she is old enough to make these decisions for herself, and that her parents are smothering her and her free will and that their rules and opinions are unnecessary. However, she is also probably thinking that she wants their support and wants to be able to talk to them but doesn't know how to have that, while still asserting her independence, which I really noticed in her talk that her mom had with her. Here, we saw her mother getting angry and emotional which seemed to make Julie's composure harden and make her not want to be open, but the more deeply they got into the conversation the more this ice seemed to break and she was able to open up to what her mom was saying to her. I think that because teens are so convinced they know what to do and they know what is right, it is a natural response to turtle up and play defense when a parent tries to tell us that they know better. I know that for me personally, I couldn't stand my parents telling me that I should listen to them because they had decades more of life experience than me, but looking back I think that stemmed more from being afraid that they could be right and I could be wrong than anything else. Regarding this issue, Eric and Tami are parenting very differently. While Eric's sole concern is the safety and well-being of his daughter that he tries to control by being very controlling, Tami is more concerned about her daughter not being open to them about what is going on in her life. So, while Tami is focusing more on warmth and being a "friend" to Julie, Eric is more focused on demanding-ness and being a "parent" to Julie.
ReplyDeleteRight now, Julie is feeling the need to exercise her independence as a teenager. She is feeling more and more like an adult and wants to reach the milestones that accompany that like sex. Her parents are beginning to become overwhelmed with the idea that she is indeed growing up, but are still trying to figure out how to let her learn on her own while still providing guidance and support. Her dad struggles with this more than her mother for several reasons. Most of all, fathers tend to be more protective of their daughters in general, especially when they reflect on what they were like at that age. Eric and Tami are trying very hard to let her be on her own, but overall they just want what is best. The way that Tami handled the condom scenario was beneficial to both herself and Julie. She was able to express why she was against it rather than just yelling and saying she was too young like Eric wanted, which ultimately could have pushed her to actually have sex rather than prevent it. Eric was never a teenage girl, so it is more difficult to understand what she is feeling and how to relate to that. Tami gets it more than he does and tends to be more reasonable in that she takes time to process and cool down before confronting her daughter rather than heat of the moment explosions like Eric. This is their biggest challenge. I really liked when Tami said "you have been a parent exactly as long as I have been," implying that neither is a better parent than the other and they are both learning together. They can both learn a lot from each other and in the clip they are, but this learning process never ends so they need to continue to being open to each other's opinions and tactics.
ReplyDeleteJulie is exploring the dating scene and her parents have made it very clear that she can make those decisions on her own but there will be some rules and some expectations. Both Tami and Eric show interest in their daughters dating life and both choose to reach out to Julie to make sure she feels comfortable with them talking about the subject. Tami joined Julie on her bed to discuss the very personal topic and it was clear that Tami wanted to enforce that she is supportive of Julie and her decisions as a young adult and to imply a sort of implicit rule that she needs to be careful in her actions. Where Eric and Tami are different is when Eric reaches out to Julie to talk to her about the subject, he is much more open and clear about his expectations of her and how he feels about boys in general. However, he does a great job at reconnecting by playing pingpong with Julie. Julie uses her parents openness and warmth as a sign that she too can trust them, so she starts to tell them her situation with Matt. I think both parents have done a really good job with Julie but I do think they could do a better job at coordinating their expectations and rules so Julie can expect consistency.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure both Julie and her parents are feeling uncomfortable surrounding the conversations that are arising over Julie's first date with Matt, and everything that comes after it. When they are interacting there is a lot that Julie thinks that she understands when she really doesn't and Tami trying to hardest to get through to Julie. I'm sure both Julie and her parents are feeling a lot of frustration.
ReplyDeleteI think Tami demonstrates setting boundaries while maintaining warmth very well. She did an outstanding job with having a conversation with Julie, when I am sure that neither one of them particularly wanted to. When Julie questioned why it was a big deal, Tami put her foot down saying that she should not be having sex. However, she reassured Julie with love and care. Julie even thanked Tami for the conversation at a later point.
Tami and Eric don't parent Julie in the same way. Eric threatens to have Julie sent to a nunnery if Matt every touches her. Tami tells Matt that her mother was the same way, and yet it didn't stop Tami from having sex. Because Tami is also a female, she has a sense of what Julie may be going through with wanting to have and is able to empathize with her. Eric, on the other hand, is more interested in keeping his daughter as far away from boys as possible. It's definitely hard for Eric to see Tami not being more strict with Julie, but Tami reassures him that they are talking about what is going on and it may be better that he isn't involved.
It is obvious that Julie is close with her parents. You can tell that she cares about her parents feelings and concerns and that she wants to worry them as little as possible. At the same time it appears that she is excited to step into a new identity as a teenager who wants to date and potentially be intimate with someone. It is impressive how she stays so calm and remains close with them at a time when teenagers sometimes begin to ignore their parents completely.
ReplyDeleteHer parents are definitely trying hard to stay calm and as 'chill' as possible. At the same time, because they are so close with their daughter, they are very concerned about her development and emotions. It seems to be a good balance to have talks with her and ask her to sit down and listen to them while at the same time letting her go out with Matt. They are hoping that by keeping the communication open they can help her make important decisions.
It is going to be more difficult for the dad as time goes by. He is definitely more weary of the situation and does not want to give Julie as much freedom as her mother. Eventually he might feel cut off from her as her relationship develops and she talks more with her mom about it.
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ReplyDeleteWhen Julie got asked on a date she was feeling excited, while her parents were feeling baffled, nervous and uncomfortable that their teenage daughter was going to go on a date with a football player, Matt. Overall, I think that Julie and her parents have a warm relationship because Julie is open to talking to her parents about her problems and when her parents approach her, they always ask “do you have a minute to talk” and they don’t deny her right to date. When conflict is about to rise the parents make sure to relax, talk calmly and make themselves approachable. Eric and Tami have clear and high expectations of Julie. She must let them know where she is going, who she is going with and what time she will be returning home. These rules allow her to explore her own world, but with set boundaries. Eric jokes with Julie during ping pong and Julie is able to be a friend and mother at the same time to her daughter Julie in hard times. Julie is more of an authoritative parent while Eric is more authoritarian. He is very scared that his daughter will have sex and tries to control his anger and fear by trying to control his daughter. Julie states that the most important thing for her is that her daughter can talk to her. One of the challenges that they face in trying to keep a healthy parent-child relationship is controlling their emotions and not criticizing their daughter for her actions. It would have been very easy for both parents to lose control and remain angry with Julie for thinking about having sex. Tami was able to control her emotions and engage in a conversation with her daughter- if she wouldn’t have done this Julie wouldn’t have talked to her parents about her thinking about having sex. Now they know that Julie is willing to talk to them about this critical decision in her life.
ReplyDeleteAs we have talked about earlier in the course, parenting can vary from child to child but also from gender to gender. I think what Julie and her parents are experiencing is very common between young women and their parents at this age. I know that I certainly struggled with my parents as romantic relationships starting arising in my teen years - much more so than my older brother ever did. I think Julie wants to assert her independence in some way and is feeling tension in her relationship with her parents, which seems to be a new experience for both parties. Her parents are clearly feeling a range of emotions as well, but are handling them in different ways. Eric, the dad appears to want to confront Julie more aggressively and create strict, clear boundaries. However, I personally really liked her moms way of handling Julie's curiosity with boys, and with sex. She was realistic, remained assertive, set boundaries, but delivered her message with warmth. I especially appreciated this clip where she is talking to her husband and explains that no matter what happens, the most important thing to her is that Julie is able to talk to her. Although Eric is reluctant (but trying), towards the end he seems to begin to follow Tami's lead. Their difference in attitudes on how to parent Julie in these types of situations are just one challenge that Tami and Eric may face in their own relationship. I am not a parent, but I can only imagine how nerve wracking it can be to see your child grow up and start to go on dates, or express an interest in sexuality. An yet, these processes happen whether parents are ready or not - which understandably they never are. I think the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open, which Tami does a really great job of doing.
ReplyDeleteI Think Julie is open to talking with her parents about sex and relationships. I think both parents are sensitive in the way they try to bring up sex in their young teens life. Both parents addressed the topic appropriately by giving her advice yet giving her the space she needs to figure out things on her own. I have never watched Friday Night Lights, but what I have observed seems to be a healthy parent-child relationship. I think the both mother and father truly care about their daughter and her well-being. Also, the way in which Julie responds is also very respectful to her parents. Not fighting against their wisdom was a way in which Julie showed respect for her parents. I think that both parent and child in this situation handled the awkward conversation of sex very appropriately.
ReplyDeleteJulie wants to step into her own identity by going on a date with Matt. She wants to experience a relationship and the freedom to go out at night. You can see this when she just tells her parents what she's doing without even asking. She is asserting her power in the parent-child relationship. She also lied about going to her friends to study but instead she stayed at Matt's house.
ReplyDeleteHer parents are feeling that she is too young to experience these things. They are sad with the fact that their little girl is growing up. Other then the conflict with dating, they seem to get along really well.
Tami is more worried about maintaining her relationship with her daughter. She doesn't want Julie to feel the way she did when she was young. Eric wants to set more boundaries with Julie. I think Tami came around faster than Eric. It's probably different for Tami because she's a woman and she can relate more with Julie. Eric has this protective side about him.
As we have discussed in class, adolescence is a very formative stage of life. A lot of physical, emotional, social, and cognitive development occurs throughout this time. As a 15 year old, Julie is a prime example of emerging adolescence. She is figuring out who she is, as well as is beginning to seek out autonomy and independence from her parents. It is clear that the Eric and Tami are good parents, but they seem to be struggling with the new sense of independence their daughter has gained. It is clear that their parenting style revolves around that fact that Julie is an only child. For example, it seems as though Eric and Tami can be overbearing at times, and unnecessarily insert themselves into decisions in their daughter’s life that she would be able to make on her own. However, with time and thought, they begin to understand that Julie is responsible, and they start to give her more leeway with her decisions. They do a fantastic job of laying out the positives and negatives for Julie, but ultimately leave her with the opportunity to make decisions for herself. This balance between agency and communion provides Julie with a loving and supportive environment, which will encourage and facilitate her overall development.
ReplyDeleteJulie is likely feeling claustrophobic once she starts talking to Matt, as her parents, especially her father are hovering over her shoulder at every move and asserting high levels of dominance when Matt is present. Her parents probably don't quite know how to feel about their daughter growing up and trying to assert her independence. I understand them being overly cautious, inquisitive, and controlling when it comes to her relationships, especially as she's just 15 years old. It seems as though the family is not used to this imbalance and uncertainty, Julie has probably only just realized how demanding her parents can be, her parents are not used to this sort of "defiance", and everything likely seems out of control for all who are involved.
ReplyDeleteEric more so than Tami is shown to spend quality time with their daughter, as can be seen in their game of table tennis. On top of that, Tami frequently asks Eric be the one to talk to their daughter. Though I do not doubt she shows warmth and demand, We as the viewers do not get to see as much of their interactions.
I think that it's important the Eric and Tami come to an agreement with one another about what they find acceptable and how they will evenly distribute their conversations about relationships, love, and sex with their daughter.
I think Julie is feeling like she needs to assert her independence as a teenager. She wants to make her own decisions and be treated like an adult. Her parents on the other hand might be feeling scared because they realize their daughter is growing up. They want to protect her from harm and help her avoid it. Julie may feel like her parents are interfering with her life if they continue to closely monitor who she is with and what she is doing. Eric and Tami are equally taking part in talking to Julie about how they feel. Tami got in bed with Julie when she wanted to talk. Eric was playing table tennis with Julie. They always spoke to her calmly. The handled uncomfortable situations with calm as well. I think they do a good job showing her warmth and understanding by letting her go out with the boy but also having her dress more appropriately for the date. They didn't say in front of the boy that she can't wear that, but Tami pulled her aside and then said it. They respect her in front of others and in private. It seems like Julie is closer to Eric than Tami. I think they can have more talks or do more activities together as a family in order to improve that relationship. I think Tami and Julie should have more talks or do more activities together, too. That way they are closer and can relate to each other more as women.
ReplyDeleteMy impression on Julie's portrayed feelings through this clip is that she may be feeling patronized by her parents and bothered by their concern towards the notion of her dating. It's understandable in both cases for Julie and her parents to possess the feelings that they do. As a young adult, Julie is at an age where romance and sex begin to become more appealing, and engagement in either would not only be an example of personal exploration but demonstration of her own autonomy. Her parents, on the other hand, may not necessarily want to minimize her daughter's independence, but ensure that she is asserting it in ways that would not create situations or environments that would become detrimental to her. The key question, I believe, is in what ways can they accomplish this without coming across as or being too invasive while still demonstrating a level of warmth and communion. From what we're given in the clip, it's implied that Julie's father (at least when it comes to the subject of boys) is the parent that's more involved. In the scene of Julie's father playing table tennis with his daughter, I feel as though rather than demand that Julie pay attention to him and his advice due to him being both her father and a male, he should have spoke of his experience both with and as a boy more as a possibility than an inevitable fact. What I did like about this scene was that Julie's father not only reinforced a positive portrayal of self for his daughter, but also explicitly expressed his fear of her getting hurt. Julie's response to his statement only further confirms the importance affirmations of love like that can have.
ReplyDeleteI can tell that Julie and her parents all have a loving relationship with each other as well as share mutual respect with each other. Julie's father, Erik, probably is concerned mostly about Julie's safety and does not want to hurt her or offend her. When Julie's mother, Tami, catches Julie's boyfriend Matt buying condoms at the grocery store, her mother's reaction with Julie was surprisingly calm, reasonable, and appropriate. She was able to express her concern in a loving way while also expressing the level of fear and anxiety that both their parents have in terms of their younger daughter exploring her limitations and this new "dating" chapter of her life. Tami is able to show more warmth and compassion to Julie because to her own adolescence experience and maybe how she would have wanted her relationship with her own mother to be like. Julie was able to be honest with her mother about having sex with her boyfriend, which is surprising to me but it continues to show how much warmth and respect they have for not only each other but for their relationship as mother and daughter. Her dad's reaction to finding out his 15-year-old daughter's intentions with her boyfriend is more hostile and a lot of anger, but you can also tell that this is because he loves and respects his daughter and he is fearful for her safety. His innate reaction to protect his daughter kicks in and he quickly calls her friend's parents in attempt to locate her. Although his attempt to locate her was unsuccessful, Tami is able to calm him down and convince him to trust their daughter, it is time to let her have her freedom and trust her to do the best thing.
ReplyDeleteEach time Julie and her parents have conflict, they're interactions are generally respectful. However, Julie is feeling restricted and is trying to flex her independence. Julie makes sure to be honest with her parents (so there isn't any lying going around anywhere). Julie's parents try to maintain boundaries while remaining understanding; they aren't very flexible, not when it comes to their "little girl". When Julie admits to having been asked out on a date, her parents are initially resistant to the idea, however, they try to keep from showing her this. Her father makes due by giving her advice (trying to scare her straight), while her mother tries to keep an open line of communication between them. When Julie's mother finds Julie's date buying condoms, she immediately confronts her daughter and does her best to talk her down from having sex at 15. When Julie comes home late one day, her mother insists on trusting her, while her father feels betrayed that he wasn't informed about their daughter's intentions. In the future, the family may continue to experience conflicts as they test our boundaries. Julie's mother feels that there are some discussions that should remain between mother and daughter, while her father does not agree with this.
ReplyDeleteJulia is definitely feeling controlled by her parents when it comes to her emerging dating life. Her parents are obviously concerned for her and do not like the idea of her getting too close to a boy. The viewers can clearly see this is coming from a place of love, but Julie seems to be taking it as her parents still treating her like a young child. Eric and Tami seem to be maintaining their relationship with Julie by constantly communicating with her and always being aware of her whereabouts. They set boundaries and limits for Julie by establishing a curfew, general house rules, and by having multiple conversations with her expressing their concerns about her new boyfriend. It seems that Tami is more laid back when it comes to Julie dating, maybe because she is also a woman and had similar experiences when she was younger. On the other hand, Eric seems to be way more stern when it comes to what Julie should and should not be able to do. However, both Tami and Eric seem to create a united front even when they disagree which is effective. When they are in disagreement, Julie might pick up on the lack of cohesiveness and act at more. I know when I was growing up I could always get away with more stuff with my dad than my mom, so I became strategic in what I said and did around each of them. Perhaps that is also a possibility here.
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