Suppose you picked up the phone one day and a survey researcher asked you the following questions:
1. Answer the following statement. Children with 2 parents are a) better off with a parent at home or b) just as well off when parents work.
2. Which parent should stay home?
a) Mother
b) It doesn't matter?
How would you respond?
Consider your answers, then check out the results to those questions posed to a random selection of US citizens by the Pew organization: http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/10/10/most-americans-say-children-are-better-off-with-a-parent-at-home/
You'll see demographic differences in people's responses - based on characteristics like age, gender, religious affiliation, and ethnicity.
How do your own sentiments compare to those of the survey sample, and to those who represent you in the data?
And what do you think these responses say about what people believe 'better off' for children really means? A serious consideration is that many parents don't have a choice around work, full or part time, as it is an economic necessity for the family. If that's the case, then would those who believe that children are 'better off' with a parent at home also be willing to pay more taxes to give non-working parents a subsidy to cover what they aren't earning? On the other hand, are those who believe that children are not better off with a parent at home, willing to support what it takes for our country to provide high quality child care for all children of working parents?
What do you think?
Answering these questions, I would say that children with 2 parents are better off when 1 parent is able to stay home (before they are of school-age), and that it doesn't matter which parent stays home. While I am with the majority in both of those beliefs, I think it is not normal for someone by age and generation and class and race to think that children are better off if one parent is able to stay home with them. I think of both of my grandmothers, who are from a similar class and background to me (except for their education levels) and they both worked for a few years before having children , and after that stayed home nearly indefinitely. In our more modern culture, it is certainly less common for women to stay home, and I think a lot of this has to do with more and more women seeking a higher education. As another example, one of my grandmothers was only educated through the 8th grade, and my mother, only one generation later, went to medical school and has been practicing as a veterinarian for nearly 3 decades. This is reflected in the study. I also think a part of this change has been that women are having less children. When it was common for families to have 6, 7, and 8 or more children, it's difficult and expensive to put all of them in day care, plus the mother goes through many many years of pregnancy and caring for infants, during which it is hard to work. Unsurprisingly, the data showed that women working full time were most in favor of both parents working, and women who stayed home full time were most in favor of one parent staying home. I think this goes to show that we are all convinced that what we are doing is the best answer, which in some ways may be true. I also thought the differences in beliefs between political parties was predictable. I think "better off" in this context means how children gain knowledge about their values and beliefs, and whether or not they receive this knowledge from a parent or from a care service provider, or other family member. I don't think that everyone will ever be able to agree on any sort of tax raise for federal funding for this issue, because it is so value-based and also because it is such a common belief that we should all be able to support ourselves to the best of our ability, and if we cannot care for our children when doing so, then we are a failure and should figure it out for ourselves instead of relying on the federal government.
ReplyDeleteLooking at my own upbringing, I think my siblings and I benefited from my mom staying home until my youngest brother started school. Of course, the 3 oldest helped out with the younger ones; bath-time, reading, and feeding. That was my generation. I closed out the baby boomers. The mothers stayed home while the husbands worked. I started my family in the early 90s. Fresh out of the military, I found a quick job, and earned an Associates degree in Computer Systems. My wife and I both worked. We were married for 3 years before we had our daughter. We talked about it, but realized both of us would need to continue to work. We were fortunate however, since my in-laws were close by, and willing to provide child care for our daughter.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be the crux of whether a parent can, or should, stay home with the children. Certainly, if financially possible, then one parent should stay home. In my experience it doesn't matter which one, but maybe the parent with the more established career should allow the other partner stay home. The past 25 years have seen a boon of Early Childhood Family Education (EFCA) programs that help provide guidance and structure for the stay-at-home parent and their kids. Many states have raised taxes in order to help subsidize these types of programs.
New parents can't afford putting their kids into child care unless its absolutely necessary. Child care is expensive and competitive. There can be long waiting lists, and the child may need to be a specific age before they may be admitted. Parents need to do their homework regarding specific facilities, too. Do they share your values? What kind of training do the employees receive. This can be a draining task.
As an alternative, I feel that if the couples family is willing and able, then having a conversation beforehand about them possibly being the child care provider is worthwhile. Now, I don't think this is a panacea, but it is a viable suggestion. Sometimes that close support system can be a source of relief, allowing both parents to pursue their careers. On the other hand, many couples relocate far away from family in order to be left alone.
In a perfect working environment, if child care was necessary, then a parent could bring their kids to work with them, and have a facility at the work site. Then, kids may even have lunch with their parent(s). This would be a cost to the company, one which they could then incorporate into their compensation package. The cost benefit would be a more focused employee. There are companies that already do this. I do not know much about challenges that would prevent companies from offering this type of service, otherwise this would be more common.
Before checking out the results in the link, here are my answers to the questions: Children with two parents are just as well off when parents are at work. If one parent is going to stay home I don't think it matters if it is the mother or the father.
ReplyDeleteThe results on the website show that, in general, more women believe that children are 'just as well off when parents are at work' while more men believe that the children are 'better off with one parent home'. I fall into the category of 'women' and therefore this group represents my views accurately. However, when I look at race and my category would be 'whites', more of them believe that one parent should be home, therefore I go against the majority of my race.
Looking at the results depending on an individual's political belief, a great majority of republicans believe a parent should be home, while democrats are split almost 50/50. I self-identify as a democrat and therefore I fall into that group pretty accurately.
Looking at the second question of which parent should be the one to stay home, I am accurately represented by my gender, race, and political party. All of those groups had the majority saying that it doesn't matter which parent, while men are almost 50/50, other races are almost 50/50, and the majority of republicans believe the mother should stay home.
I feel very strongly about the second question because I think that it is pretty sexist if people believe the mother should stay home. Maybe this answer stems from people who felt their mother was a stronger/better parent than their father, but at the same time it is so stereotypical to assume the mother should put her career on hold and stay home with children.
Without reading the article I believe that children are just as well off when both parents work, and that if one parent does stay home it doesn't matter which parent it is, the mother or the father. Obviously in the past, mothers played more of a caregiving role and stayed out of the workplace, but realistically to actually support a family financially it is extremely difficult to do that on one salary. Now it's much more common to see two parents in the workplace. I believe parents can have just as much of a hands on experience even if they go to work. I definitely don't think staying home with kids is not beneficial, but I don't believe kids whose parent's work are any less off. When it comes to who is staying home I feel very strongly that it shouldn't matter who will be staying home with the child, I believe fathers can be just as nurturing and just as attentive caregivers as mothers do, and just because it was primarily mothers before, doesn't mean that has to continue on. It's so frustrating to me when people assume the mother is the one to put her career aside to handle the family.
ReplyDeleteThe term "better off" can be considered somewhat vague. Some people may consider better off meaning emotionally better, financially better, educationally better, religiously better. Not everyone considers that phrase the same. The cost of childcare is outrageous, but the cost of living is spendy as well. Families must decide if having two working parents offsets the cost of paying for childcare. But if there's only one working parent, will that paycheck cover basic needs and the needs to live somewhat comfortably. I believe being "better off" financially when it comes to raising children is being financially stable enough to not be living paycheck to paycheck. I think that being "better off" emotionally requires having hands on parents who are interested and engaged in their children's lives, and I don't think that parent's have to stay home to give that to their kids. Both of my parent's were teachers, they worked 5 days a week and had work to do at home, but they made huge efforts to be involved with my sister and I whenever they weren't at work, I don't think we were any worse off because they both had jobs.
In my opinion this answer really depends on the context. I do believe that a parent staying at home would help keep the cost of child care down and it would allow them to experience their child's early years however I do not believe that it's worth giving up a career. If both parents are invested and love what they do then I don't think it is necessary for them to quit their jobs to become full time parents. I think that either decision would be okay for the development of the child. If a parent were to stay home I don't have an opinion on which parent that is. I don't think the mother or father would do a better job than the other because hopefully they are equally competent parents.
ReplyDeleteWhen I compared my thoughts with that of the survey I wasn't surprised. As I predicted, I had similar opinions with individuals that were female and under 30. I would say I was of the minority within the large scale of things but I was happy that I wasn't alone in my own age group. It was shocking to see that a majority of the population believes that a mother should stay home with the kids (mainly men believe this). I think most definitely if these people have that strongly of an opinion that a parent needs to stay home then they should be willing to pay the difference in a second income. I also believe that if both parents are working then they would want and are willing to pay for better child care. However, our government needs to make childcare more affordable, more available and overall just better. I think making this type of decision is extremely hard, but I think either way parents are going to have to be willing to give something up.
I think that having a parent stay at home with a child is very beneficial to the child's development. Instead of having inconsistent day care givers watch the child while the parents are at work, they stay at home parent would be able to provide the child with day long, predictable, consistent care all the while maintaining and developing better attachment with their parent. I don't think that it makes a difference whether the dad or mom stays home with the child. We are in a day and age where father's as acknowledged as care givers who are just as capable as mothers. After reading the article, I don't think i was surprised what I found. Most people in my same gender and age demographic had feelings similar to my own. I was surprised, however, how many people didn't have a preference for the mother staying home over the father. That just really shows the positive progression dads are making in modern parenting.
ReplyDeleteI want to respond that children are better off when are parent, doesn’t matter which, stays home. However, I recognize that this is not possible for every family. If a family is able to have a parent stay home, at least until the child is in school all day, it can benefit the family. They will be the one to discipline their child, rather than a daycare employee. They will also save money on daycare costs. The child will have a sense of stability and dependency on family. They are used to their caregiver being there when needed. I just know as a parent I would feel more comfortable being the main influence in my child’s life for the first 5 years, rather than a nanny or group of staff, since these are critical years of development.
ReplyDeleteWhen looking at the opinions of people surveyed, there are differences among groups. Black parents more heavily stated that children are just as well off with two working parents, and so did full-time working mothers. I can see why these results would be this way, as these two groups may not be able to allow a parent to stay home. Black parents are often depicted in society as having to work multiple jobs, or often being single parent families. And for full-time working mothers, the mother is usually the parent to stay home. So while she works full-tome, the father is probably also. These two groups answered that the child is just as well off because they are potentially unable to stay home, and see their children succeeding despite their absence.
Personally, my age group, ethnicity, education level, and gender all align with my belief that a child is better off with a parent at home. I am not surprised that my representatives and I think this. For education level, someone with a bachelor’s degree is likely to know more about child development and parenting practices. It is also more likely they had higher educated parents who may have been able to stay home with you as a child. My age group is likely to respond this way because we don’t have to raise children yet, we aren’t faced with the challenges of parents yet. So we are thinking of the ideal situation.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting reading the results of the survey from the link provided. In regards to my own sentiments, I do feel that mine fall under a lot of the common answers that were given. I do think children are better off with a parent home, no matter what parent. I don't know that I can conclude what the "definition of better off" means based solely on the results from the survey, however, I think that "better off" is defined in many different ways, depending on the person you're asking. I do think it makes things difficult when both parents are working, however, I do think if this is the case, parents ought to find a third person to be there not to just "watch" or "babysit" but for that role of mentorship & attachment that children need at any particular age. If a child is in school all day, for them to come home to no parent or no guardian for them to speak to and decompress from the day, the child may bottle up feelings and experiences for that day and they would not be as aware as to how to process that as someone who is much older would. I think that if I were speaking to someone who didn't think a parent at home was necessary for the child, I would challenge them to think about their own upbringing and development & in what times they felt the most supported. If someone were to ask me to ponder that, it would not only be when my parents were around and encouraging me in what I was doing, but I would say even more so when my mentors that I was fortunate enough to have come alongside me throughout my adolescence, made a huge impact in my life. If they weren't there investing in me and showing that they cared, I wouldn't have put in as much effort as I did in things like school & my life at home.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what, an extra person or someone "at home" would be ultimately beneficial to any young person, be it that they are in their early education or heading onto high school.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting reading the results of the survey from the link provided. In regards to my own sentiments, I do feel that mine fall under a lot of the common answers that were given. I do think children are better off with a parent home, no matter what parent. I don't know that I can conclude what the "definition of better off" means based solely on the results from the survey, however, I think that "better off" is defined in many different ways, depending on the person you're asking. I do think it makes things difficult when both parents are working, however, I do think if this is the case, parents ought to find a third person to be there not to just "watch" or "babysit" but for that role of mentorship & attachment that children need at any particular age. If a child is in school all day, for them to come home to no parent or no guardian for them to speak to and decompress from the day, the child may bottle up feelings and experiences for that day and they would not be as aware as to how to process that as someone who is much older would. I think that if I were speaking to someone who didn't think a parent at home was necessary for the child, I would challenge them to think about their own upbringing and development & in what times they felt the most supported. If someone were to ask me to ponder that, it would not only be when my parents were around and encouraging me in what I was doing, but I would say even more so when my mentors that I was fortunate enough to have come alongside me throughout my adolescence, made a huge impact in my life. If they weren't there investing in me and showing that they cared, I wouldn't have put in as much effort as I did in things like school & my life at home.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what, an extra person or someone "at home" would be ultimately beneficial to any young person, be it that they are in their early education or heading onto high school.
It seems most of the answers I gave to these questions aligned with those who participated in the study. I think that children are, in a sense, better off when a parent is at home. It does not matter which parent that would be, but I do think that contact and communication with a child and the parent leads to secure attachment in the long run. This being said, I do not feel as though parents who decide to work, whether that be because they have to work in order to make ends meet or because they choose to do so, are making the wrong choice. My mother worked throughout my childhood, as well as my father. I stayed with my grandmother while they were away and I still developed a secure attachment with both my parents. When I state that children are better off having a parent home, I guess I more so mean it's "easier" for the parents and child to make a connection and develop a relationship. It is more than possible to have a good relationship with a child if you decide to work, but having a parent stay home with the child makes it easier to develop a stable relationship base for the future.
ReplyDeleteI think that "better off" in this context means the child will be more successful, academically as well as socially, in their future. I believe that a lot of parents see "better off" in relation to their child as something they themselves have an influence on. This is why I think many people like the idea of having a parent at home with their child. So they an foster this idea of their child being "better off."
I think that the reason most of these questions were split almost down the middle is because there are strong arguments for both cases. Everyone is different and every family has their own way of going about raising children and forming relationships. As long as both answers have positive outcomes in relation to the child and forming a secure/stable relationship and attachment then I believe either choice is acceptable. It all depends on the family and how they go about living their lives!
I believe that children with two parents are just as well off when both parents work as long as their children have caretakers that can create active and learning environments for them. These active/learning/secure environments are crucial for children's development. In addition, it doesn't matter which parent stays at home whether that's the mother or father- I believe that either parent can provide the caretaking that the child needs. Men and women didn't vary much on their opinions of whether the mother should stay at home. This surprised me because I thought that more men would have said that they preferred if the mother stayed at home. My own sentiments of "it doesn’t matter who stays home" compared with those of my age group. Hispanics (51%) believe that the mother should stay home and (44%) said that it didn't matter. As someone who identifies as Hispanic-American I thought that more Hispanics would have thought that the mother should stay at home, just because of how Hispanic households are often dominated (male dominated homes). Although this varies from family to family and education/political affiliation also has a strong influence in Latinx families and how they are composed. Those with a Bachelor's degree (43%) thought that the mother should stay at home ,while (57%) didn't think it mattered. Finally, as someone who identifies as a Democrat (43%) said the mother should stay at home while (57%) didn't think it mattered.
ReplyDeleteWhat people mean by saying that children are "better off" is that there is at least one attentive parent's who has the time to pay attention to their children's needs and be there without barriers. I also think it depends on what kind of job the parent has, is the parent able to get out of work when the child is sick? Moreover, I think that if more families could afford to have one parent at home they would choose to have one parent at home. I think that those who believe that children are "better off" would be more willing to pay more taxes to give non-working parents a subsidy to cover what they aren't earning, because we are a country that values independence and we believe in the idea that everyone should be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps (everyone fend for themselves). Another common statement that I have heard before is "If you can't afford to have children then don't have them" , we have a long ways to go in this country and hopefully someday we can get to a point where parents are getting the help that they need. On the other hand, I do think that those who believe that children are not better off with a parent at home would be willing to support what it takes for our country to provide high quality child care for all children of working parents. We all know that child care is extremely expensive and many families are struggling to afford it. Therefore, I think that more families would be in support of paying more taxes to be able to cover that cost of childcare because this would be benefiting most American households. This is a complicated topic, but I do hope that someday we are in a place where parents can choose for themselves whether they want both working parents to work or if they want one to stay at home-without having any financial barriers that force them to make tough decisions for them and their families.
Before a child goes to grade school I think it is best for a child to have a least one parent home while they are still developing their brains. Since the most important development happens up until the age of 3 then I believe it is very important that a parent be there to help their brain grow. But I believe there has to be a balance of interactions with both parental interaction and other children interactions. I believe its also beneficial for the child to interact with their peers before entering school so they are prepared to share and work with their classmates. I believe I had the perfect situation growing up because my mom taught in home daycare so I was able to have my mother with me and at the same time I interacted with children my own age and learned how to behave in those situations. I don't feel it matters what parent it is, for me since it was my mom I believe that is what influenced me to be a big mama's girl and I tell her more about what is going on in my life than my dad. When I think of the term better off I think about the emotional aspect of the child. Being with a parent can help them have a secure attachment and know that they have a parent who is their secure base.
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting to look at the data from the Pew Organization to see what American views were towards childhood outcome in correlation with parents staying home versus going to work. Especially, the demographic break down by political affiliation. In my eyes, I think that it is great if parents have the financial resources and want to stay home with a developing child. Undoubtedly, the parent child relationship will grow from that, and perhaps the child will receive more one on one care and attention than they would at a day care center. Whether it is the mom or dad that stays home with the kids really doesn't matter in my mind. However, not many families have the luxury of having the financial stability to keep a parent at home with a child. I think that those children are just as likely to succeed as kids who were able to stay home with parents. It's just about the time parents can spend then with kids after work and on weekends, staying in tune with development and creating a safe, secure attachment to that child, helping them grow and feel loved as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to answer those survey questions, I would say that children are just as well off when parents work and it doesn't matter which parent stays home. My answer to the question of parents staying at home or working is different than how most people felt on the Pew Research Center survey. Most people in the survey agreed that it's better to have one parent stay at home and one parent work rather than having both parents work. For these people who believe that, I wonder if they would be willing to pay taxes for parents who stay at home to cover what they aren't earning. I don't think they would. They would say that parents should stay home and one of the side effects is giving the spouse a responsibility to earn more money. Some people just believe that a child is better off with a stay at home parent, even if the family is losing money. Sometimes, parents just have to stay home because it's cheaper than childcare. I think that people who agree that it's okay for both parents to work are willing to pay for better childcare. It's obvious that more kids will need childcare if both their parents are working and it's necessary to pay for better quality day care centers. On the other hand, people may think that since both parents are working they can afford childcare. Finally, to follow-up on the question of which parent should stay at home, it's interesting how people in the survey were really split on whether the mom should stay home or it didn't matter. There wasn't even an option if the dad should stay home. I think that the options should be: mom, dad, doesn't matter. This way, we can see if people prefer the dad to stay home.
ReplyDeleteI think we live in a time when both men and women are doing there best to further their careers and also raise a family. Many few years ago it was a staple to have fathers be the "bread winners" and the moms would stay home and run the house. In more recent years women have made their way into the work world and I think we are better off for it. I also think that families have the opportunity to benefit from this as well. Kids will be able to look at both parents and not only see them as a parents, but as people of authority due to the fact that both are working and no one is expected to be staying at home. I also wonder what people mean by being "better off" with one parent or the other staying home. I think that even if kids have to go to daycare while their parents are at work, as long as that parents are loving, caring, and want to support their child's growth; then their child will "be better off". It also varies from family to family who can, or needs to stay home. I feel more often than not, which ever parent that makes less money is the one who ends up taking time off of work or staying home with the children. I don't think that this is a matter of the mom or dad being able to parent better, but just what works out for the family.
ReplyDeleteI would probably say that children are better off with a parent at home. Having a parent stay at home with child will greatly help with the child's brain development. Additionally, having a parent stay home with a child will allow the child to better develop a stronger attachment to that parent, which of course will bring about so many benefits. As for which parent should stay home, I don't think it matters. Stereotypically, of course, many people believe that a mother should stay home over the father. I grew up with my father working full time and my mother working part time so I definitely experienced the stereotypical mother that is home with their parents before and after school. I babysat for a family in high school where the mother worked as an OB/GYN and her husband was a stay at home dad. This was almost unthinkable to me and my friends that it wasn't the other way around. However, the children of this family greatly benefitted from having a parent stay home because their mother often worked long hours. There shouldn't be one parent or another that should be expected to stay home-it is very beneficial for the child regardless of which parent it is.
ReplyDeleteI believe that a child from a two-parent household benefits from having a parent at home until they reach school-age, however, I don't think that the parent necessary benefits from it. I also don't think that this role should necessarily fall on the mother unless this is what they want as well. Many times if the choice is taken away, resentment can build and this can not only affect the parents relationship with one another, but their child as a consequence. I seem to fall with my own demographics with some of these response options. The majority of women think that a parent should stay at home, and so do those in my age group. However, the majority of African Americans believe that the child is just as well off when both parents in two-parent households work. Women and those within my age group agree that it doesn't matter who stays at home. However, African Americans believe that this responsibility should fall on the mother.
ReplyDeleteI think that by "better off" people mean that children are not negatively affected by it. In terms of the response that both parents should be able to work, then I think that it means that children won't notice a lack, and will not be negatively affected by being taken care off by another adult (e.g., day care). Of course the particular needs of the family must be taken into account. In some cases, both parents need to work, while in others they have the luxury of both parents being able to stay at home for part or most of the time. However, I don't believe that most would be open to financially assist families that don't have as many options. Unfortunately, we live in a individualistic society, where most believe that your problems are your own and don't feel the need to work as a community.
Growing up in a single-parent household, the question of whether or not a child of a two-parent family would be of most benefit if one parent spent more time at home is a difficult one to answer. Nevertheless, I feel as though this would be the case regardless of if the parent was the mother or father at least until the child is able to attend school or day-care. So much of a child's development occurs within those earlier years such as their temperament, attachment style, motor skills & cognition, etc. that would be most positively influenced by the presence of a parent compared to that of say an immediate family member. Nevertheless, secure attachments, easy/flexible temperament, and other positive forms of growth may still occur during a child's developmental period in instances when both (or just the one) parents are working. The risk I suppose I would have to impose is to what degree you as a parent are concerned your level of intimacy would be affected by your lack of time to tend to your child, but even this can be remedied depending on the quality of interaction you have with them more so than the quantity of time you and your child may or may not spend together.
ReplyDeleteWhile I recognize the value of having one parent stay home to take care of children, I don't think it is completely necessary for the child's development. The survey reports that it is very circumstantial whether or not it is beneficial to have one parent stay home. Race, socioeconomic class, and other demographic factors seem to be big determinants of this issue. There might be more barriers to children who grow up in a single parent household or have both parents work, but with the right finessing I think the children can still turn out fine. My mom stayed home with my brothers and I when we were small, but went back to work when I was in middle school. I had the privilege of having her around all the time in my early development, but when I was going through puberty and my angsty years she was not there as much. Nonetheless, it was more about adapting to new schedules and figuring out where to make up lost time or conversations. I might be biased, but I think I turned out okay and still continue to turn out okay. I truly believe that having a parent stay home or not very much depends on the type of family and their circumstances. This topic is almost impossible to generalize.
ReplyDelete