with the inside story on attachment parenting (read the article here: http://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,2114427,00.html ).In class we've been reading and talking about secure attachment and the benefits that it provides to early brain development, and as a basis through the secure base for learning, exploration, positive self-concept, and executive functioning. And in our observations of what sensitive parenting looks like, we used words in class like responsivity, bidirectionality, eye contact, warmth, smiling, language, and reciprocity.
Parents establish secure attachments with their children in a number of ways, and groups like Attachment Parenting International and the Circle of Security promote ways for parents to form nurturing bonds, express warmth, and offer a trusted base. Techniques recommended include baby wearing, co-sleeping, and birth bonding.
As the Time article notes, however, this can be demanding on parents, particularly mothers when breastfeeding and traditional expectations on caregiving are considered. When mothers are straddling work and infant caregiving, co-sleeping may not be a long term strategy if it leaves the parent tired. Might babywearing exacerbate back problems for some, leaving them to feel guilty for offering a 'good enough' environment? Are these additional efforts toward secure attachment necessary? And are they the concerns of those who are more privileged?
What do you think? What might be the essential ingredients for providing a secure attachment relationship for a baby?
I have multiple thoughts on this matter. First, I'm against co-sleeping. I don't believe it is a healthy way to parent, as it leaves the parents tired and not bale to be their best selves for their baby. The baby is just fine sleeping in it's nursery. I do feel that breastfeeding can have a lot to do with forming a secure bond between mother and baby, but it is not necessary. Some mothers are not able to breastfeed or choose not to for various reasons, and I think today's parenting literature really shames mother's who do not breastfeed. Both women and men can participate in kangaroo care, holding their baby on their bare chest and having that skin-to-skin contact. I feel this is important for developing attachment, the body is releasing oxytocin; the infant can smell the caregivers, etc. Baby wearing has become popular recently, and it seems this is more for convenience and appearances. Strollers get in the way at public events, so it would be convenient to avoid that mess. Also baby wearing is currently a "fad" so many women might be doing it for that reason. But I can see that the baby would enjoy the feeling of being swaddled onto the caregiver, however I don't think baby wearing is a necessity for attachment with your infant. The article described women going to extreme levels to parent their children in this new "attachment style of parenting", but we know that it isn't necessary to go to these extremes. What is needed to prove to your child that you are a secure base? Consistent support and responsiveness. This does not mean you have to be with your child 24/7 and breastfeed through toddler-hood. Simply being a responsive parent and being that secure base for your child will ensure you are securely attached.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, strategies to encourage the development of secure attachment such as co-sleeping and baby-wearing are somewhat unnecessary. I believe that secure attachment can be promoted through other simple and straight forward strategies, such as joint-attention and consistent parental response/care to the child’s needs. However, if a parent chooses to take on strategies like co-sleeping and baby-wearing, more power to them! Based on the idea of goodness-of-fit, a parent should choose a strategy that works for them, their family, and for what best promotes the physical, mental, and emotional development of their child. Generally, they shouldn’t base their parenting styles (specific to attachment) on what other people are telling them they SHOULD do. They should base their decisions on what works best for their situation.
ReplyDeleteIn order to help a parent-child relationship that may be at risk of developing an insecure attachment, practices like co-sleeping and babywearing could be beneficial tools. However, these are not necessary tools for the average parent-child to develop a secure attachment. Being responsive, attuned to your child's needs and emotions, and encouraging exploration seem like a much more rational approach to securely attach. These are day-to-day attitudes and behaviors that most parents do without assistance, which is why the majority of children are securely attached to their caregiver. It's evolutionary science that we attach to our caregiver and vice versa in order to promote survival.
ReplyDeleteIn order to help a parent-child relationship that may be at risk of developing an insecure attachment, practices like co-sleeping and babywearing could be beneficial tools. However, these are not necessary tools for the average parent-child to develop a secure attachment. Being responsive, attuned to your child's needs and emotions, and encouraging exploration seem like a much more rational approach to securely attach. These are day-to-day attitudes and behaviors that most parents do without assistance, which is why the majority of children are securely attached to their caregiver. It's evolutionary science that we attach to our caregiver and vice versa in order to promote survival.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated the analysis as provided by my classmates in the above comments. I agree that co-sleeping and babywearing can be helpful tools for some and are unnecessary or even damaging for others. Developing attachment requires parents to be attuned to their child and the specific needs of the child. If a parent forced the baby into babywearing, when the child only wanted to explore and feel independent, their attachment could be negatively affected. Attunement requires creating rituals to encourage closeness that are appropriate to the specific child. Each person expresses and likes to receive love in special ways. For one baby, this may mean playing challenging games that show parent involvement and let the baby learn. Other children may just want to be held or read to. Of course, many children need multiple and varied techniques to foster attachment and closeness within the parent child relationship.
ReplyDeleteFurther, to create activity lists that are "musts" such as breastfeeding, babywearing, or co-sleeping can be culturally insensitive and play off privilege. Attachment does seem connected to privilege as we can see that parents who are struggling to make ends meet financially will be less available with their time. However, if they remain as emotionally available as they can be, they may still be able to foster a secure attachment with their child. It is important to note how privilege creates more opportunities for some parents to spend time with their child and therefor foster their attachment. When creating child care policies, facilities, and theories, privilege should be considered so that parents who are facing multiple pressures from their environment can have a fairer shot at encouraging secure attachment with their child.
There are many different ways to foster attachment in every culture and it is possible to do so without specific western approaches. We must be cautious when defining "musts" for parents because those "musts" do not often take privilege or culture into consideration.
I think parents are able to attach to their child and vice versa in many ways, not just by participating in all the new "trends" happening during this period of time. Yes, I do believe that breastfeeding can help form a secure attachment because the baby is close to the mother and feels the skin on skin contact, which is always a great way to form a bond with a child. Though this is a great way to form an attachment with the child, it is not necessary. Nowadays, there are so many alternatives to breastfeeding that it is very much so possible to not breastfeed a child and still have a secure attachment. I think that society often judges those who do not breastfeed as being "bad mothers" but many times woman physically cannot preform this action or they are working and trying to support their child, making breastfeeding not an option.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to co-sleeping, I do not think this is a good way to attach to a child. The parent can get extremely tired due to lack of sleep while tending to the child and waking from any movements the child makes throughout the night. This can greatly effect how the parent responds to the child, which in turn can actually negatively effect the attachment style.
I don't believe that there need to be extreme measures to aid in the attachment process of a child and parent. This process should happen naturally and has been for thousands of years. Many of the items we consider necessary for a child to securely attach to a parent didn't exist in the past. So how did parents form secure attachments without all these extravagant means? They paid attention, supported, and comforted the child. They were there for their child and made sure he/she was safe and healthy. No need for all these extra items, as long as you show your child love and aid in the development process, secure attachment will follow.
I think about my upbringing and it was nothing how I raised my daughter. I have fond memories of my parents teaching us card games, and playing board games with us, and camping trips. My parents were involved in our lives, but with 7 kids, they were overwhelmed more often than not. It was a traditional household, in my opinion. I don't know that there needs to be some extravagant measures to ensure secure attachment. Being there for the child, then recognizing and responding appropriately to their needs are more important. Before our daughter was born her mom and I talked and sang to her often. Once she was born, it was easy to keep those activities going. It was fun to see her get excited about things. Both of us had to work, and so my mother-in-law was our child's caregiver. I would have preferred that either me or her mom stay home with the baby, but in hindsight it worked out well. It was a mutually beneficial decision. Our daughter got to know her grandparents and we didn't have to worry about whether she was being cared for, or not. I know our daughter attached securely. We actively engaged her in our daily activities, and even when her mom and I divorced, she knew both of us were available to her. I'm sure we could have done some things differently but despite our best efforts she turned out to be a responsible and outstanding young woman.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I personally lean more toward attachment parenting myself, I definitely really struggled with how much sacrifice that demanded of my. I was working full-time 12 weeks after my son was born, was co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and nursing. I was emotionally and physically drained most of the time, and had limited support from my son's father. That being said, I am grateful for the extra connection that those choices gave me since I was away from my son during the day.
ReplyDeleteHowever, each family has to do what works for them. Attachment parenting certainly has its benefits, but it also creates a lot of stress and pressure. Secure attachments to your child don't have to be solely related to the "attachment parenting" tenets. You can still provide consistent, nurturing, attentive care (and be your child's secure base) without co-sleeping, or nursing, or baby-wearing.
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ReplyDeleteI believe that all families and couples are different and they need to do what works best for them. Some feel comfortable sleeping with their baby while others feel like it's an exhausting compromise. On the other hand, there are other ways to form secure attachments with your child if baby wearing doesn't work for you. I would not feel bad if I didn't do any of those things because I don't think they are the most important essential ingredients for providing a secure attachment with a baby. I think it's easy to feel guilty when everyone around is telling you how to be a parent (society is very critical of parents), so I understand that perspective and the pressure that parents are constantly under. Those who are more privileged in money, resources or time might be concerned about not being " a good enough parent" just like any other parent. Finally, there are other ways to form secure attachments with your child such as being their secure base, narrating play with them, advocating for your child and smiling/laughing with your baby! The little things matter too.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have read deeper into what attachment parenting really is, I am torn at what to think about it. Some things about attachment parenting sound really good to begin with. One example from the times article, was that every cry from a child is a plea for attention and no child should be left to cry. This sounded reasonable when I first heard it, but the more I thought about it the more I questioned it. In my opinion, if you responded to every cry, when would the child learn to self soothe. Now to be clear, I don't believe in neglecting babies. Though, shouldn't they be given at least some moments to attempt to self soothe? Now that was the easiest one to understand of the three rules of attachment parenting. When it comes to the co-sleeping and the consistent carrying the children around everywhere is where I become skeptical. I personally feel that I could never co-sleep with my child. I say this because I toss and turn in my sleep and I don't believe it would be safe for my child. Also, the act of carrying the child close to you in a sling sounds like it could be very problematic for the parents health down the road. When it comes to attachment parenting, I think they could pull back a little bit. I think these parents have the right idea, but took it to an extreme place. I personally have never liked views that go to either extreme. I think the goals of parents should be to find a healthy place where they can take care of their children and help them grow, but also give the child enough space to grow separately, away from the parents.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I do not believe additional efforts toward secure attachment like co-sleeping or baby wearing are necessary. Based on what we have been learning in class, I think it is important for the caregiver to frequently interact with the baby to give them positive and constructive feedback, but anything beyond that is the concern of those who are more privileged. It is a reality in this country that most mothers (and fathers) cannot afford to spend every waking minute with their child because they have jobs. The lack of paid parental leave in the US makes it nearly impossible for working class families to stress over wearing baby slings or if they are breast-feeding long enough. I also think that co-sleeping is a negative thing for all parties involved—it makes the parents restless and the children too dependent on the parents to fall asleep. My siblings and I never slept with our parents, were breast fed for a limited amount of time, and we never were worn in a baby sling and we all turned out just fine. What really matters at the end of the day is that the child’s basic needs are being met and they are growing up in a loving, nurturing, and stimulating environment.
ReplyDeleteI do not think there is much of a correlation between good parenting and parents who breastfeed into toddler years, strap their baby to themselves or sleep with their babes. I think there are other ways to be a good parent that include answering to your babies cries or playing, reading, talking to them. It can really take a toll to breast feed your baby for a long time; the article mentions this mom almost going into premature labor because she breastfed while she was pregnant. It also takes a lot of time and commitment for the mother. There are amazing mothers who breastfeed for a really long time and those who only breastfeed for a few weeks. Also, there are great mom who don't sleep with their babies at night. Some even fear they could roll over and suffocate their baby, so there is that reason not to sleep with babies. I think that there is a lot of pressure put on parents, moms especially, and if they read "The Baby Book" they may feel insecure because they are not a "good enough" mom. Although I'm sure that book was very helpful for parents, it shouldn't be the "bible" for parents to follow.
ReplyDeleteTo begin with I think that I have my opinions, but I have not had kids, so I really don't know completely what each persons situation is or how their child behaves. That being said, I think that there is too much pressure on parents to be a perfect parent. There are too many people judging parents on what they do or don't do, no one is ever going to meet other peoples standards. I think people need to do what works well for them. I think that co-sleeping could be beneficial if it works for your baby, for a time. My sister in law recently had a baby, she was totally against go sleeping, she judged a cousin who co-slept with her child, now she has her baby, and they co-sleep, because it is the only way she can get him to sleep. So, again, can't judge until you've been through it. I do think there is a time when it's probably good to have kids start to sleep alone, you want your baby happy, but relationship wise you want to keep your romantic relationship healthy as well. I think skin to skin contact is important and everyone should try it. If you can't hold your baby too long because of back problems I've also seen parents who lay down with their kids on their chest, or in their sweatshirt. I think there are a great deal of ways parents can give their children the interaction they need for secure attachment, but not everyone is the same and not all the situations are the same, they can be adapted to work for each relationship.
ReplyDeleteI have a few thoughts on the matter. I don't believe that co-sleeping is necessary; in fact, I think that it can be detrimental in some ways. The child can come reliant on this (not to mention the effects it can have on the parents sleeping schedule) and it may be difficult (as they may be extremely resistant to the idea) when the time comes to have the child have it's own bedroom. I do believe that breast feeding is very beneficial as it can increase the bonding between mother and child. However I don't believe that it is necessary. If the parent is finding it difficult for any reason, there are other ways for them to bond. Baby wearing is definitely a good technique (it can certainly enable you to get things done around the house), but it would definitely be a strain on your back if the child were worn on your front. I am used to the child being worn on your back instead; I don't think that this would cause as much as a strain. I think that parents should let go of that guilt that I believe can be inherent in being a parent. Chances are if you are worrying about not being good enough, then you are likely giving it your all. As long as the child is happy, safe, and is developing well, then you should be let the little things go.
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