As young children seek to explore and use their developing abilities, they misbehave. Or at least that's what it seems like to adults. And parents need to figure out how best to respond to their children when this happens. We'll be talking a lot about this during these weeks.
Please watch the following video:
And share your reactions to what you see.
Consider a few things. What does Hannah want? How does her mother respond? What are the outcomes, or consequences of the interaction? What might be the impact on the relationship between Hannah and her mother (and possibly her father)? Does this signal anything to you about the relationship dynamics if they continue over time?
Or share other aspects of the video that you'd like to discuss.
Its a curious situation when your little one begins to negotiate things, such as bedtime. Parents have to stick together and set clear boundaries. They need to allow their children to express themselves, without misbehaving. Here, Hannah doesn't want to go to bed. She was defiant and vocal. She has learned that spanking is a punishment, and uses that as leverage to have her mom turn the lights on. The mom engaged Hannah, and gently told her to get back to bed. It can be difficult to maintain composure when negotiating with adults; it is really hard with a child. Their circular logic and lack of vocabulary can be frustrating, or more often than not, comical. It's hard to keep a straight face. Being angry goes out the window. You put yourself in their shoes. Parents learn to pick their battles, and children learn that give and take can be mutually beneficial. Kids seem to have an iron will, they are persistent. Sometimes, like in this instance, compromise is in order. Despite the parents best effort, the child has turned the light back on. But the parent was cool and agreed with Hannah that the light will stay on (as far as she knows) if she stays in bed and goes to sleep.
ReplyDeleteIn this odd scenario, Hannah is refusing to go to bed until her mom lets her keep the lights on. It is clear that the mother would like to have Hannah learn that the lights off means that she's going to bed and that it means that play time is over. The mother reacts calmly and somewhat sternly to Hannah in telling her that it is time for bed and that the lights need to stay off. The mother and daughter continue to have a back and forth conversation and type of negotiation over whether Hannah is in trouble or not. Hannah appeared worried that she was in trouble because the lights were off and she was worried of getting spanked. Hannah's mother reassured her that she wasn't in trouble and wouldn't get in trouble if she went to bed. In the end the result was Hannah got to keep her lights on. There are some battles that you have to choose as a parent and that was not one her mother was willing to go to the grave for. As long as her daughter went to bed, she would allow it. In the future this could cause some tough dynamics because the daughter is learning how to negotiate and get her way. She is learning to reverse the role when she started telling her parents that she would spank them instead. I can see this in the future as causing the daughter to often get what she wants. And due to the fact that the father wasn't often in the conversation, except for the very end when he was the one to convince his wife that it was ok to leave the lights on, it would appear that the father will be an easy target for Hannah when she wants something to go her way.
ReplyDeleteHannah is a typical toddler in that she is trying to assert her agency with her parents in regard to bedtime. Initially she states that she wants the light on, and she's pretty mad/sad about not getting her way. When her mom uses the threat of a spanking, she doesn't follow through even though Hannah has not gotten back into bed. (I don't personally think spanking is a good way to parent, but that's beside the point) Hannah knows that the threat is empty. In addition, the dad at some point comes to turn Hannah's light back on, and she's wearing a skirt now (I'm assuming that means she got it out of her toy box and was playing when the light was on.) The parents don't seem to be on the same page as far as how they will handle the situation, and Hannah senses that and capitalizes on it.
ReplyDeleteThis was an odd interaction, and I always think it's strange of parents to film their child's tantrums. Their priority should be parenting, not creating a youtube video of a child. Also, if a child sees themselves being filmed, they are going to think their parent is enjoying their behavior and continue to behave that way. The after of spanking came up, this is a parenting practice I disagree with. They have instilled fear of physical harm in their child, as evidenced by how scared she got when she thought mom was coming in to spank her. This mom did not follow through on anything she said, so it is no surprise their night routine went poorly. The child cried about wanting to be rocked. I'm thinking this is a child who does not always have her emotional/psychosocial needs attended to and is craving more attention. She made them promise to rock her, promise to not spank her. It seems she doesn't trust them.
ReplyDeleteThis is kind of a difficult interaction to judge because we, as viewers, don't know how often this is an issue for Hannah (not going to bed when she is supposed to.) Initially, I felt as though 'spanking' was a bit extreme for a situation like this (though I never condone spanking in any situation, but that is a different topic entirely), but then I reminded myself that we don't know if this is a one-time thing or if this happens every night and the parents feel that threatening to spank her is the only way she will listen to them. However, in this situation, Hannah seems to be aware that spanking will be used as a threat and she decides to use it as one towards her mom, too. Additionally, the mom counts to 3 and never follows through with spanking Hannah, proving that it is an empty threat. This could be why Hannah doesn't seem to listen very well when her parents use spanking as a threat.
ReplyDeleteI was ultimately happy to see that the parents didn't spank Hannah and were able to solve the problem through words. Even though the parents maybe didn't seem 'on the same page' the whole time, neither of them lost their temper and they were able to calmly talk to Hannah, even though she was throwing a tantrum when she screamed. I appreciated their demonstration of talking through a problem and ultimately finding a compromise.
Though they let Hannah keep the light on in the end, which may not be seen as 'good parenting' to some because they "gave in" per say, I think the bigger issue is that maybe Hannah is afraid of the dark and the parents realized that she will be able to sleep with the light on. After all, Hannah falling asleep for the night is the main goal. Hopefully, if her fear of the darkness is the real issue, the parents are able to solve it by purchasing a night light for Hannah that she can turn on when it's lights-out-time for bed.
In this video Hannah is having an argument with her mother about wanting the lights on during the night. It was an interesting interaction and it was clear that Hannah was scared of being spanked. This could be seen when the mother was going into the bedroom and Hannah got nervous. It’s hard to exactly know since the video only shows one moment, but I believe that Hannah might be lacking attention from her parents. She wanted her mom to rock her and the mom responds by saying no. Also turning the lights on after the mother left can be seen as another way to get attention. At the end, the mother gave in and let Hannah turn the lights on. By doing this, Hannah may learn that she can keep pushing back and get what she wants if the behavior continues. Over time, the parents might lose all control over Hannah if she continues to get what she wants.
ReplyDeleteHannah wants her mom to leave the light on when she goes to bed and slowly it turns in to hannah wanting more demands. She all of a sudden wanted to be rocked and then wanted to be able to play with her toys and her mom consistently said no. The mom continually threatened to spank Hannah but she never actually followed through with it. I feel that once Hannah realized that her mom wasn't going to spank her she felt safe to turn on the light once she left. It seems to me that Hannah has control over her parents and if this were to continue in the future I could see Hannah becoming spoiled and will result in more tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this video was interesting, especially how Hannah was so willing to challenge the authority of her parents while also being afraid of "getting in trouble" with her parents. I believe that Hannah was probably testing her parents' limits and trying to see what she could get away with in order to gain a better understanding of her "concept of self" and her own authority that she is able to have over her parents. She also seemed to want attention when she requested that she wanted her mom to stay with her and even "rock her" to sleep while simultaneously expressing that she was not happy with her mother. Although I do not believe in "spanking" your children, I believe that Hannah's mother, who was recording this video, should have stood her ground more clearly and maybe should have redirected Hannah when Hannah told her mom that she was going to spank her mom for not turning the light back on. Other than that, I don't really know what the parents could have done except for letting Hannah have the temper tantrum play out and realize that she would not get her way by "making a scene."
ReplyDeleteI thought that this video was interesting, especially how Hannah was so willing to challenge the authority of her parents while also being afraid of "getting in trouble" with her parents. I believe that Hannah was probably testing her parents' limits and trying to see what she could get away with in order to gain a better understanding of her "concept of self" and her own authority that she is able to have over her parents. She also seemed to want attention when she requested that she wanted her mom to stay with her and even "rock her" to sleep while simultaneously expressing that she was not happy with her mother. Although I do not believe in "spanking" your children, I believe that Hannah's mother, who was recording this video, should have stood her ground more clearly and maybe should have redirected Hannah when Hannah told her mom that she was going to spank her mom for not turning the light back on. Other than that, I don't really know what the parents could have done except for letting Hannah have the temper tantrum play out and realize that she would not get her way by "making a scene."
ReplyDeleteThis video felt very confused and all-over-the-place to me. The daughter kept rapidly changing moods and tactics to try and get what she wanted, and her mother seemed unclear about what she was expecting from the Hannah, since she was verbally saying go to bed, but was still indulging her in conversation, yelling down the hall to her dad, and in general giving her attention by standing there video taping her and listening to her. We also saw that at some point mom or dad turned the light on after 4 minutes of saying "go to bed with the lights off". As someone who strongly believes children need consistent parenting, and clear expectations about what they need to do, or how they need to behave, I found this scenario very frustrating. Personally, I would have told her to go to bed, shown that it was not okay for her to say she was going to spank me or discipline me in any way, and then close the door and let her relax and go to sleep. If she really is afraid of the dark however, I would certainly take another approach (like turning on a night light at bed time to indicate the difference between "sleep time" and "awake time"). But, it was my impression that Hannah was just throwing a tantrum because she didn't want to sleep, and was thriving on the attention. It seemed to me that in the end Hannah got what she wanted (therefore throwing a tantrum worked, and she is likely to do so again in the future). Over time, I think this "power struggle" between Hannah and her mother could really become an issue, especially as she becomes a preteen and teen. Although this can be hard to determine from such a short video, it also seemed like the father was not as involved with the bedtime routine as his wife, which could also pose a greater issue in the future as Hannah may see him as the parent who lets her get away with things, and resents her mother for trying to set rules. Either way, it is very confusing to a child when they have two parents who are parenting on different planes.
ReplyDeleteWhile watching this video it was evident that this tantrum wasn't necessarily about having the light on. I personally think that it was more so about Hannah feeling as though she has a bit of control and power in the situation. She was telling her mother that she wanted to have the light on, not saying that she didn't want to go to bed. I think that Hannah just wanted to make a decision. I think the mother handled the situation really well, a lot better than I think I would have. She was very patient and showed Hannah that she was listening to her but she was also the one in charge. After the mother came back and found the light on, I think she handled the situation in the best way she could. She told Hannah that she could keep the light on as long as she tried to go to bed. This gave Hannah a sense of control and say in what she does. If a child can build this sense of self-control and feeling listened to, their overall development will benefit.
ReplyDeleteAs for the father, he seemed very absent throughout the video. At one point the mother asked the dad if he had promised Hannah that she could play with toys before bed, he said, "no." When Hannah asked the same question a couple seconds later, he said, "yes." These confusing responses can lead to mixed signals and a sense of distance between the child and parent.
Overall, I think that the mother and child will build a secure attachment style because they are communicating well and the mother is promoting healthy development in the child. The father is a little more difficult to understand. He may be a lot more present than is portrayed in this video but if he actually is the way he seems throughout this clip, he needs to become more involved and aligned with how the mother is parenting.
One of the main conflicts that is in the video and is between Hannah and her mother. Hannah is clearly not happy with having the light off. She either does not want to go to bed with the light on or is assuming that she is in some sort of trouble. I think that mom handled the situation well, by having Hannah explain in words what she was feeling. At this age it is developmentally appropriate to do so. Kid's should be expressing how they feel in words as soon as they can know how the words and feelings are associated. One interesting piece of the parent-child relationship was that Hannah went to Dad to bypass what mom was saying in a way. She told Dad to say yes and he said yes. Hannah took this as being able to overrule what mom was saying at the time. If this dynamic continues Hannah could end up playing games with her parent's. kid's are smart and they learn how to work the "system" very quickly. One thing that mom did do well was to pick her battles. When Hannah was in bed with her light on, she accepted this and let her get to bed.
ReplyDeleteOne of the main conflicts that is in the video and is between Hannah and her mother. Hannah is clearly not happy with having the light off. She either does not want to go to bed with the light on or is assuming that she is in some sort of trouble. I think that mom handled the situation well, by having Hannah explain in words what she was feeling. At this age it is developmentally appropriate to do so. Kid's should be expressing how they feel in words as soon as they can know how the words and feelings are associated. One interesting piece of the parent-child relationship was that Hannah went to Dad to bypass what mom was saying in a way. She told Dad to say yes and he said yes. Hannah took this as being able to overrule what mom was saying at the time. If this dynamic continues Hannah could end up playing games with her parent's. kid's are smart and they learn how to work the "system" very quickly. One thing that mom did do well was to pick her battles. When Hannah was in bed with her light on, she accepted this and let her get to bed.
ReplyDeleteIn the clip, Hannah wants to keep the light on to go to sleep. Her mother, however, insists that the light stay off. Hannah starts to yell at her mother, cries, and even threatens to "spank" her several times. To my surprise, Hannah's mom actually stayed extremely calm and collected throughout the entire interaction. She continuously told Hannah that the light had to stay off and didn't really seem to get angry when Hannah yelled at her. However, at the end the clip seems to skip forward a few minutes and the lights in Hannah's room are on. I'm not sure if this is because her parents gave in, or Hannah turned them on herself, but either way her parents didn't seem to mind. In addition, it seemed that Hannah was getting mixed messages from her mom and dad. The dad was not really involved in the interaction and Hannah claimed he told her the previous day she was allowed to stay up and play with her toys. This could cause confusion for Hannah and possibly give her the idea that she can get away with things with her dad, but not her mom. Hannah's mom still gave her a goodnight kiss and told Hannah she loved her at the end of the video which is nice, but in hindsight Hannah ended up getting what she wanted at the end-- in the battle of whether the light was going to be turned on or not, the parents lost. This could cause Hannah to become spoiled and more demanding in the future.
ReplyDeleteThis video is so cute. First, I noticed that Hannah doesn't want to go to bed unless her bedroom light is on. She really wants that light on. However, mom says that she needs to go to sleep with the light off. Hannah cries a bit and yells at mom about wanting to giver her a spanking. Mom stays very calm and loving during this entire interaction. Not once does mom lose her cool, yell at the little Hannah, hit her, or threaten her (other than the loose threat of a spanking). The mother did a very good job of being endearing to Hannah even when she was having a meltdown. She said things like "you need to go to bed, sweetie." "Okay, honey", etc. The mother promised hannah that in the morning she would let her turn the light on, which calmed the child down enough to get her to go to bed with the light off. However, less than 20 minutes later the light was back on and Hannah was still awake. The mom did, what I thought was appropriate, compromised with the child. She made her go to sleep, but let her keep the light on. This I think was wise because the mom really picked her battles, it wasn't a super big deal to leave the light on for a few hours instead of getting into a massive argument with this two year old. It was good that the mom and dad both worked together to keep hannah's story straight so she would be held accountable. The way the mother responded to the tantrum asserts that hannah will always be loved and cared for by her mom, which will benefit her greatly through her development.
ReplyDeleteThis video is so cute. First, I noticed that Hannah doesn't want to go to bed unless her bedroom light is on. She really wants that light on. However, mom says that she needs to go to sleep with the light off. Hannah cries a bit and yells at mom about wanting to giver her a spanking. Mom stays very calm and loving during this entire interaction. Not once does mom lose her cool, yell at the little Hannah, hit her, or threaten her (other than the loose threat of a spanking). The mother did a very good job of being endearing to Hannah even when she was having a meltdown. She said things like "you need to go to bed, sweetie." "Okay, honey", etc. The mother promised hannah that in the morning she would let her turn the light on, which calmed the child down enough to get her to go to bed with the light off. However, less than 20 minutes later the light was back on and Hannah was still awake. The mom did, what I thought was appropriate, compromised with the child. She made her go to sleep, but let her keep the light on. This I think was wise because the mom really picked her battles, it wasn't a super big deal to leave the light on for a few hours instead of getting into a massive argument with this two year old. It was good that the mom and dad both worked together to keep hannah's story straight so she would be held accountable. The way the mother responded to the tantrum asserts that hannah will always be loved and cared for by her mom, which will benefit her greatly through her development.
ReplyDeleteHannah seems to want a lot of different things, and most of those things involve not going to bed. She starts by asking her mother to keep the light on, which is clearly a way for Hannah to stay awake and keep her mother's attention. It's evident that attention is another thing Hannah wants because she says, "Don't go away from me" when her mother is about to leave and turn off the light. Her mother responds to the litany of wants, but not by giving in. Instead, her mother is consistent in telling Hannah that she needs to go to bed and turn off the light. She responds calmly, and warns that she will experience the consequence of getting spanked by her father if she continues to resist her bedtime. Based off this one interaction, the family dynamic seems to be that the father is the ultimate disciplinarian and the mother is still a disciplinarian, but with a more loving approach. This dynamic is supported when Hannah's mother warns that Dad will give her a spanking if she doesn't go to bed. A compromise was reached among parent and child when Hannah agreed to go to bed, but she got to keep the light on. I believe this interaction strengthened the mother-child relationship because Mom didn't give in to any of Hannah's demands when she was throwing her tantrum. It was only after Hannah had calmed down and gotten into bed that Mom agreed to keep the light on. This shows Hannah that diplomacy is the best way to go about solving her problems.
ReplyDeleteHannah (child) wants her mother to turn on the lights before going to bed. Hannah is crying and screaming and then she says, “I’m going to spank you if you don’t go to bed” and “I want you to rock me”. Hannah seems scared to go to bed with the lights off and her way of communicating this, is by screaming and crying. She is demanding that her mother comforts her before she goes to bed, with the lights turned off. I sense through this parent-child interaction that this isn’t Hannah’s first time being spanked or having her screams be ignored. This parent-child interaction makes me very upset because from my understanding both parents spank Hannah (frequently) whenever she gets herself in “trouble”. Furthermore, it doesn’t seem like Hannah’s mother and father have come to an agreement about bed time rules since Hannah's father ignores the situation and doesn't help Hannah's mother get their toddler in bed. The consequence of this interaction is that Hannah will learn to negotiate her way out of trouble and possibly become defiant about the reasons her parent’s are spanking her. Hannah states, “I’m going to spank you” and from my understanding this suggests that Hannah doesn’t quite understand why her parent’s are spanking her.
ReplyDeleteI felt that there were both positive and negative aspects of how this situation was handled. I thought it was impressive that the mother remained calm at all times and did not resort to yelling or arguing at a more heightened level. I also thought that it was important for the mother to remain reasonable; for example, when she told her daughter that she would rock her tomorrow and turn the light on in the morning. While the negotiations made may be cause for concern in the future, I don't think it was a situation in which the parents needed to resort to punishment. The child was throwing a tantrum, but it was not over an important issue. Like we've discussed in class, you have to pick your battles. It was sort of difficult to judge certain things since we had no way of knowing the history of this child's behavior. It did seem like the parents were empathetic to the child and kept their maturity. At the same time, the empty threats and the counting did not seem effective at all. It was also apparent that the child was fearful of being spanked and was very confused about wanting her mom to come in and give her affection but did not want her to come in because she didn't want to be spanked. I think in the future the parents should implement more follow through on their warnings or find a different way to change the child's behavior.
ReplyDelete