Parent-child relationships in the age of social media (Part 2)

In this video a father takes to social media, not to share his experience with the father of a bully, but to address his daughter. He is outraged by her rant on Facebook against her parents. Watch it below:

What is your reaction to this video? What is your take on the daughter's rant? And that she took it to Facebook? How about the father? What do you think about his words to his daughter? How about his physical demonstration of asserting demandingness? And what do you think of HIS taking this all to social media?

If you were the daughter (or son) and angry with your parent, would you take your anger and disagreement to Facebook? Why or why not? How would you feel if your parent responded to you using social media?

Parent-child relationships in the age of social media

About a two years ago a father from Prior Lake, Minnesota posted a video on YouTube that went viral. The video is below (The original video link may have been removed. This one shows the entire piece, though).

Watch the video and consider the following:

How was social media used by teenagers (in this case Brad's daughter and her friends and other kids), and to what effect? What is your reaction to the incident as Brad describes it? From our reading, and from your experience, does that surprise you?

What prompted Brad (the dad) to use social media to air his opinion?
What are the benefits to his using this forum? Are there any consequences? Consider others connected to the situation.

Do you agree or disagree with this dad's using YouTube in this way?

Parent-Teen Relationships... With the Taylors

In addition to film representations of parents and teens, TV shows entertain us with family comedies and dramas that include children during adolescence. Few demonstrate such strong and significant adult-teen relationships than in the series, Friday Night Lights. In the series, a medium size town in Texas is the context for Coach and Tami and Julie Taylor. Coach (Eric) is the football coach at the high school - a sport in a town that is THE important activity. Tami is a school counselor and Julie is their teenage daughter. Early in the series, Julie is about 14 or 15. The series also features other teens - especially the young men on the football team and some young women in the school and town. They range in personality, age, race and experience, offering quite a number of events to view teens own challenges with development, and how adults help or challenge that growth.

The link below features about 8 minutes of a compilation with the Taylor family. The video is a nice view of the parents and the teen dealing with some pretty typical teen issues. Julie is in a word, a 'good' kid. As we see here, even with model children families experience conflict.

http://mediamill.cla.umn.edu/mediamill/embed/12535

Please watch the clip, and then weigh in on what you observe in the parent-child relationships. Consider some of the following questions:

• What is Julie feeling, what are her parents feeling, when they have conflict and when they interact. 
• What do you see as ways that Eric and Tami work to maintain the relationship with Julie, and ways that they assert their responsibilities as parents and set boundaries and limits while also showing her warmth and understanding? 
• Do they do this equally or in the same way?
•  What challenges might they face in trying to do this? 

Favorite Teen Movie (with parents?)

A couple weeks ago we weighed in on our favorite scary movies in honor of Halloween. As we move to the next and last section of the course and move developmentally up the age ladder to adolescence, let's share our favorite teen movie. And there are a LOT of them. Hollywood makes billions on pumping out films and television series every year featuring teens as central characters.

Films feature groups of teens - like Breakfast Club, that represent a range of teen 'types,' in other cases a teen is the focus for a coming of age film, like "The Way Way Back," or "The Spectacular Now," or "Boyz in the Hood." These films feature developmental challenges and norms for teens - exposure to sex, drugs, playing with new identities, new conflicts at school, work and home. Some offer the societal context as challenge when violence, poverty, domestic abuse, broken homes, rural life or a changing political landscape introduce conflict and negotiation to the developing young adult.

And maybe if we are lucky, the film features teens in the family context. Hopefully a healthy family - like that briefly shown in a film like "Easy A" who support Emma Stone with her misadventures with her peers. Yet all too often parents are represented in films about teens as a joke (Exhibit A: Amy Poehler as Regina George's mother in "Mean Girls" That said, there are other positive adults in the film - Tina Fey's math teacher for one).

What is your favorite film about teens? Why? (No judgment). Was it helpful to you when you were a teen? Does it evoke painful/'glad its over' memories, or does it just make you laugh - or fall in love all over again? And what, if anything, would someone watching the film learn about parent-teen relationships? 

Favorite Scary Movie

Do you like scary movies? About this time of the year - today, especially, we enjoy a good fright night to go with our Halloween experience and that rush of adrenaline from being scared, surprised, and creeped out even at the risk of getting nightmares.

Thinking about parents, allowing children to watch scary movies is another way to be intentional about the role. As you can see from this list at Commonsense Media, selecting a good/scary movie can mean weighing the child's age, developmental ability to understand what's happening, to know that it's make believe, temperament and sensitivity to images and actions that another child might not find frightening, and the setting in which the movie is viewed. As with all media, someone should engage with the child while viewing to make it a positive experience. In part, this scaffolding can attune to what the experience is like for the individual child. It also allows asking the child questions to correct misunderstandings or to deepen comprehension of what is being viewed. Questioning and engagement can also help children understand consequences (of for instance, violence, often portrayed as cartoony and painless, or of gender representations).

As adults we like to watch favorite films and TV shows for lots of reasons. Memories, emotions, the story, who we watch it with and sometimes to just get a good scare.

In class I shared that my favorite scary movie is The Haunting (1963), directed by Robert Wise. Here's the IMDB page with information about the film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057129/?ref_=nv_sr_4  . This film came out when I was 8, and I probably saw it for the first time when I was 9 or 10. I love it because it is very well done - in the pre-cgi era - showing what happens with a mixture of talent, good camera work and imagination. And for its indelible impact on me (as I still think twice at leaving my hand off the side of the bed) . Below is the trailer:

What is YOUR favorite scary movie and why? Or, if you don't like scary movies, why not? 

Intervene or Ignore?

We've all been there. At a store or airport or other public place when a child has a meltdown and the parent loses it. It's not comfortable for anyone, least of which for the parent who balances his or her own emotions, thoughts about how best to handle the situation and the child, and feeling judged by those around.

What do you do? If you're like most (including me, most of the time) you don't do much of anything. You remain proactive by looking away or looking busy so that the frazzled parent at least has one fewer person to feel watched by. Yet perhaps (like me) you remain attentive enough to weigh when some kind of assistance or intervention may be actually helpful. Strangers are not likely to welcome your picking up the child or giving the child something like candy (though some are), but they may welcome distracting the child with a silly voice. Or hearing a simple calm adult voice that asks if there is help that can be offered "Can I help unload your grocery cart for you while you tend to your daughter". Or even a glance that says or actual expression of, "I know what you are going through. It's tough when they are tired, isn't it?"

But what about other times when it appears that the child might be in danger? Check out this story from the New York Times a couple weeks ago: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/29/us/should-you-intervene-when-a-parent-harshly-disciplines-a-child-in-public.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=0

What is happening that might lead someone to consider intervening? What is your opinion about this? Do you agree or disagree with the recommendations expressed? Would it be an invasion of privacy for the family? What is the boundary at which a stranger 'should' get involved? Consider too our points from class about preserving the parent-child relationship? Might intervention escalate something in a parent that might somehow damage, rather than support future parenting?

Laws in the US against spanking?

In class this week we are continuing our look at learning and guidance for young children, with a specific focus on discipline and the use of punishment as a tactic.

We've discussed our attitudes about spanking as a discipline practice, and motivations for why some (many) parents continue to use the practice, even on an occasional basis. And those who do, generally do have a variety of discipline practices. There is division however, about the value and effectiveness of spanking for helping children learn the limits that are valuable for their self-regulation and socialization. And questions about the impacts on the relationship with the parent and what else children learn from being spanked (fear? avoiding punishment rather than problem solving? the promotion of use of physical force and acceptance of violence as a resolution?).

And there are questions about the practice when it is nearly exclusively used by parents (adults with larger bodies, brains and strength) with small children (as in small bodies and brains). As a power assertive technique toward discipline, there is the very real potential that it can escalate to something more than getting the child's attention or reminding a child that the parent disagrees with the behavior (Exhibit A: Adrian Peterson). There is the possibility when adrenaline flows and strikes come with more force, that a child can be injured, and can suffer from abuse. And when it gets to that level, as we know from our discussion about toxic stress and the brain, that child most certainly isn't learning much about the actual problem that started the whole situation.

These questions have led to policy movements in the US toward enacting laws around spanking. Other countries outside the US do have policies that prohibit spanking or physically striking a child. Not so much in the US. Primarily our policies step in when a child has been injured or abused. Spanking is permissible but only to the point that it is used 'reasonably'.  

Please see the following short article from Time magazine in 2014: http://time.com/3379862/child-abuse/.  It lays out some of the efforts that states have made toward passing legislation, and the barriers. Based on our discussion of attitudes in class, this shouldn't be too surprising.

Nevertheless, what are your thoughts on this? Do you believe that we should have anti-spanking laws in the US? If so, should they be within states or would it be federal? How might these be enacted, and what definitions would be in place. Does your personal history or current experience inform your view? 

At the heart of this, do you feel that parents know what is 'reasonable' in the degree to which they use of physical punishment like spanking? If going to the extreme of legislation isn't necessary in your view, then what would you advocate for, so that parents employ strategies for teaching their children (especially young children) limits that are effective in the short and long term, that teach children prosocial and constructive lessons, and that maintain the quality of the parent-child relationship?